Beansproutings

Sylvi's turn!

2012-02-02T16:46:00.001-05:00

Sylvi is a spit-fire already. And oh my, when she really starts walking and talking I am in for it! She came out with personality and it has increased exponentially since then. She's so different from Liam and I love it like that... every little thing just makes her special in her own way!

Now that she actually crawls on all 4s, she's very purposeful about doing it. It's so funny to watch as she pops her little limbs up in the air to take the next step.
Something in her way? No biggie. She'll either pull up to a kneeling or standing position or just climb right over it.
When she gets excited about something, she'll wrinkle up her little nose and sniff quickly. I can tell the level of excitement based on the nose wrinkle and the volume of sniffing.
Her current favorite book is That's Not my Baby. It's touch a feel book and she eagerly turns the pages and pokes her tiny little index finger into each sensory spot.
I love that when I try to work with her on the signs for "more" and "all done", she grins but puts her head down like she's embarrassed.
I'm a little late on teaching her body parts and animal sounds, but she loves it. Currently, ear are her favorite. She'll touch Nunzio's ears and then her own. And then grin at me. I love it.
She thinks it's hysterical when I do my floor exercises. She always crawls over to me and then tries to climb up on me. And as my body moves and she can't get a solid grip, she laughs and laughs. I'm glad someone is enjoying this!
He favorite song is Runaway Baby by Bruno Mars. When she is in her jumper, she bounces like crazy when she hears the first line. Any other song, she bounces, but nothing like this one.
If there are sweet potatoes, you'd better get out of her way...
I love when Matt comes home and it's chaotic and she's sitting in her chair in the kitchen and thinks she's the only one who sees him. I to watch her little face light up with both recognition and the thought that she's going to get Daddy all to herself.
And even though it drives me nuts that she'll pull herself up to a standing position in her crib when she should be sleeping, I just walking into her room and seeing her little pixie face peeping over the top rail and the huge grin that spreads over her face when she sees me. And I imagine her tiny voice when it will say "Hi Mama! I wake!"

Some favorites about Liam

2012-01-31T16:20:00.003-05:00

It's been a rough week here. Both kids are sick and I'm worn out emotionally and physically. My mind hasn't been a real positive place to be lately and quite frankly, I'm a little ashamed of my bratty behavior in front of the kids. Heck, the bratty, whiny thoughts in my head are enough to embarrass me. Anyway, last night while I was holding an extremely feverish little boy I was thinking about while both of them are quite challenging in their individual ways, they are each so special in ways that out number the challenges. I started making a list and talking to Liam about all the fun things about him that make me love him even more.

The way he cannot say the "sl" blend so words with it have a "fw". It makes me smile every time he rolls up his "fweeves" or informs me that he doesn't need to "fweep"
I love that he's in a stage when he watches us do something he deems impressive, he tells us we did a good job. Even if it's just bringing a plate to the supper table without spilling.
He's recently decided that hugs aren't so bad after all and will ask for them throughout the day.
When we tell him we love him, he shrugs and says "yeah". And then grins at us.
He always wants to wake Sylvi up and gets so excited when her naps are over so he can run into her room and jump up and down in front of her crib.
He has to talk nearly the entire time we are in the car. He tells me every time we pass a car and has recently started to call out the color of the traffic lights. I'll make a backseat driver out of him yet!
I love that he has learned to hang his coat up neatly when we come in from outside. And even though he's proud of himself when he does, he still tries to get me to do it for him when he's too interested in playing.
He always gasps when he hears the garage door go up in the evening and yells "Daddy's home!"
When he's sad or frustrated or sleepy, he insists that we go sit on the couch (not the love seat) and "'nuggle". He needs a blanket, too.
He's so serious. And Sylvi's wildness annoys him. He always telling her to stop splashing in the tub... so much so that he asks to take his bath when she's done. :)
I love that he "reads". And when he reads he purses his lips and scowls as he concentrates on the pictures. And that book time is always our time... the time when he can't get enough of curling up with me and playing with my hair while he listens and looks.

What a difference a sibling makes

2012-01-19T14:29:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to write this post for a few weeks. But time... it just seems to escape me these days. That's my desk today. I makes me want to vomit every time I look at it. I hate clutter and this year... I getting rid of it. It took me a week to go through each and every one of the 24 cabinets, 1 closet and 7 functioning drawers in the kitchen. I sorted, cleaned, eBayed, donated and just plain threw away. The pile on the left of my desk is what got sorted and needs filed. I wish I wasn't so particular about my record keeping sometimes. The top of the desk is littered with notes on the kids' development, recipes, obligations, a Starbucks gift card, hemp muscle rub and a few toys confiscated from my daughter's mouth. To the right, journals, my writing calendar, notes and references.

Anyway, clutter aside, I've been updating baby books and thinking a lot about how are life has changed in the last 9 months. I'm not sure if Sylvia's developments have benefited from having an older brother or if she's just more motivated to be independent than he was. I may never know. Having 2 children of different genders, personalities and different environments makes it extremely difficult to have real data on developmental comparisons. Being a researcher at heart, I'm broken over it. It's true. I will survive, however.

What I am noticing that can be traced to the addition of Sylvia to our family, is Liam's change in behavior. He's fussy about his clothes, his food, even the arrangement of his toys. He doesn't like to be touched or be too close to people. And if he's not in the mood, playdates are miserable since I spend them separating him from another child who thinks it's funny that Liam squawks like a baby egret. However, he has suddenly become quite affectionate with us. He's backed off the displays of love toward Sylvia the last few weeks, but I think he's just unable to figure out what his boundaries with her are. He can't really control his hugs or what he thinks are loving motions yet. He's 2 and quite exuberant.

These days, he informs me that he needs more hugs, or a kiss on a cheek or a big snuggle. He comes to hug me and then holds on. He cheers when I tell him he's my best hugger. He runs after Matt before he leaves for work and asks for a hug and a kiss. (Which I should note that we've finally moved from the leaving-for-work-fits, thank goodness!) I love it. Granted, all of this is still on his terms and he will tell you in no uncertain terms if he isn't in the mood to be touched. He has to snuggle in only one location on the couch. And he doesn't want to be squeezed too tightly when we hug. But the point of this is that he seems to be truly enjoying the physical affection and love. And I'm making the most of it.

Skillzzzzz

2012-01-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

Thankfully, after months of struggles, we've reached a lull in the toddler behavior. Liam isn't quite as defiant, but he's still trying to assert his independence. Most recent phrase: "get away from me!" The parents are not thrilled. And we've come to the realization that sometimes, kids just figure out how to put together sentences all by themselves.

From the very beginning, I've told Liam everything about the world around him. I've just kept a running narrative about what we see, how things feel and what things mean. He absorbs pretty much everything and I love when it comes out later as he talks to me. Normally, I can figure out what he's talking about since he's fairly clear, but a few months ago, he suddenly started pointing to large delivery trucks and declaring them "Pi Ass Twucks". The first time it happened, I froze and hoped I hadn't just heard that. I hoped that perhaps somehow he was just stringing together sounds, that there was NO WAY he had ever heard someone say "big ass". We saw a lot of delivery trucks over Christmas and every time he'd start to tell me what kind of a truck he saw and I'd redirect him and tell him it was a box truck. I had thought for sure it was a phase and he's figure out something else to say. Finally, 2 weeks ago, we got a delivery and he came to the door with me. As anticipated, he yelled very loudly "Dat a Pi Ass Twuck, Mama! Dat a box twuck!" And then, it hit me. All this time, he's been trying to tell me he saw UPS trucks. Thank God. There's nothing like having to explain your foul-mouthed toddler to the Sunday School teacher.

He and I have been doing "school" together whenever we have the time and he's in the right mindset for sitting still and working on puzzles or letters or whatever. I'd say that right now, his favorite is matching. Letters, numbers, colors, pictures. He loves to find the match from a pile of cards. He likes to count with me, too. Which then leaves the "count-down method" of warning kind of moot. I'm teaching him how to hold up fingers to correspond to the number and it's pretty darn cute. He loves for me to read to him and tries to pick out letters from the words. I'm reading The Non-Toxic Avenger right now and he is completely fascinated with the cover. The letters are large and somewhat separate. And there's an X. I'd have to say that X is his favorite letter. The ceiling light in my car looks like an X is shining through when it's on and he points it out, without fail, every time we are in the car.

Recently, he's also discovered that he doesn't want to go to bed at night. As I type this, it's almost 10 at night and he's still coming up with reasons (while yawning widely) why he doesn't need to go to bed. He has to pee. He needs to poop. He needs one more kiss. He needs just one more kiss. He needs me to rub his back. He needs Daddy to read Potty Time to him. He's like this pretty much all day. He tries to bargain with me over everything. "Just a wittle cookie, Mama." "I needa pway, justa few more minutes." Oh he makes me laugh. I'm in for it as he gains more reasoning skills.

He's really beginning to love being a big brother and will frequently declare that he's the "big boy". He's getting a little bit better about not being so rough and today I overheard him role playing with his Batman and 2-face figurines (don't get me started on inappropriate toys for toddlers, his father wants another comic buff in the family) and Batman was apologizing for being too rough to 2-face. I'm sure you can figure out who was whom in the story. He's repeated the "be careful" mantra of mine for months, but now, he's started to tell Sylvi "dat not safe" throughout the day. Fortunately for me, this serves as a warning that he's about to do something that will wind up with one or both of them crying. Typically, it's her doing most of the crying, though.

Nine

2012-01-15T19:59:00.000-05:00

Oh my. Another month has slipped by almost without warning. Matt and I were just talking tonight about how with Liam we felt like we had time to savor each new milestone, time went slower. With Sylvi, it's as thought we just realized she could do something new when she starts something else!

She's actually started to crawl on all fours. Not much or for long, but she does it. She's much faster army crawling so she sticks to that mostly, but it's still fun to watch her move. She can't seem to get enough of crawling over the things in her way. Another favorite pastime? Scooting up to something and then pulling herself up so she can sit back on her knees and bounce. It constantly surprises me when I see her sitting up like that. She also within the last 4 days has started to be able to go from her belly to sitting to tucking her legs underneath and then back to crawling. So fast. And so easy. Wow.

She eats constantly. She's gaining weight slowly and considering how busy she is, I'm not surprised. But I will tell you that it's still surprising to me how the loads of solids she packs away 3 times a day haven't really shown up much. She loves sweet potatoes. Loves them. Sees them on my plate and thinks I'm holding out on her. And she's crazy about peas. She picks them up with her tiny little fingers and puts them in her mouth so quickly that they don't always get chewed... which is not amazing for the diapers. Neither is spinach, though. She seems to like the spinach, which surprises me given the smell. I'm doing a modified version of Baby Led Weaning and it works great for us. Sometimes she'll have purees all day and then others I am serving meals that have something she can feed herself. She's a pro at banana slices and loves my canned peaches. And Cheerios. Goodness, she loves Cheerios. I'm avoiding dairy with her at the moment since she can't digest it as well as I had hoped. Her tummy is just taking a little bit longer to develop the enzymes necessary for digestion, so I'm playing around with coconut milk in our foods so she can eat right along with us.

Her personality is wild, bright, energetic and just plain crazy. She will do anything to catch a stranger's eye so she can flirt. She is very free with her smiles and her chuckles. Recently, she started wrinkling up her nose and sniffing. It is hysterical. She enjoys having her belly tickled and kisses... this I know because when she's in the mood for it, she'll stick her belly out further for me to kiss/tickle again and again. She'll also raise her fist to my lips while I'm nursing so I can kiss it. And then smirks when I do. Finally, she loves bath time. She'd stay in the tub for hours if we let her. As soon as she sees the water, she starts flailing her arms and trying to splash. She splashes until she's gasping from the water up her nose. She thinks it's the best thing in the world. Liam complains. Daddy complains. Mama spends a lot of time mopping up water from strange spots in the bathroom. Everything about this child is alive. And I'm having so much fun living life with her in it!

2 pounds

2012-01-12T14:37:00.001-05:00

8 sticks of butter. A Malayan Flying Fox A quart of water. A head of cauliflower. 2 pounds. I realize that it doesn't seem like much, but when the scale read that Sylvi gained 2 pounds in 3 months, I cheered. The lactation consultant beamed and patted my back.

I always assumed the nursing was something you just did if you had a baby. As in, that's what your body is designed to do, so you do it. The only reason I could see for someone using formula was if they had to go to work or they had health problems that necessitated the use of medications. Or if the thought of your boobs being on demand creeped you out. Which it kind of did me prior to actually nursing. Once Liam was born and I started nursing, it wasn't creepy anymore, but it certainly wasn't enjoyable.

For 4 months, I sobbed my eyes out over nursing. The only reason why I continued to try breastfeeding was because I truly believed I was doing the right thing for him. I had almost no genuine support. Matt started out wanting me to breastfeed, but as it got harder and harder to handle Liam's colic and his high demands, Matt wanted to use formula more and more. As the months passed, I would go for days on less than 2 hours of sleep as I attempted to do what I truly thought best for Liam. Looking back, I should have pushed harder to find a CLC who could help me. Looking back, I should have taken time off work, turned my phone off, told visitors I wasn't up to them and spent my days nursing and cleaning. Yes, cleaning. Cleaning eased my fears that I wasn't doing a good job and it was cathartic to mops the floors. I should have stopped telling the people who didn't think I should nurse the truth about how bad things were. I shouldn't have confided my fears with people who thought I was nuts anyway.

The day before Liam turned 4 months old, I breastfed him for the last time. I didn't know it was going to be the last time and I will admit that I have regretted it every day for the last 2 years, 4 months and 3 days. I have regretted not insisting they find me an anti-depressant that would be safe for nursing. I have regretted screaming in anger when Liam wouldn't latch on and nurse easily that last time. I have regretted telling the doctor I hated nursing. Most of all, I have regretted that I didn't ask the right people for help and that I wasn't honest with myself or Matt about how depressed I actually was.

Of course, as soon as I realized that I'd be having another baby I was filled with anxiety concerning how I would feed her. I had a sample can of formula and the bottle feeding supplies on hand, but I really didn't want to use them. This time, I planned to be armed with information and resources. But, it seemed as though every other person in my life assumed I wouldn't even try. Why? Because my experience with Liam was "such a failure". Honestly. It was called a failure to my face by someone I trusted and considered myself to be close with. Needless to say, I made the decision that I wouldn't be discussing my personal struggles regarding breastfeeding with people.

Sylvia hasn't been a walk in the park to breastfeed. From day one, she has bitten me so hard, I've sported purple bruises. She had a very shallow, painful latch which brought raw flesh and different bruises. She has had a hard time just getting down to business and actually nursing. Comfort sucking is her forte. And now that's she a mobile infant, I have been kicked in the face twice, one in the head and almost had an earring ripped out while she flailed around during her nursing sessions. She didn't gain weight. She couldn't poop. She couldn't sleep. She suffered in the most painful way for me... pitiful cries that I could do nothing to soothe.

I've wanted to stop nursing her dozens of times. I've tried to transition her to a bottle. It didn't work. It could be that I really didn't give it enough effort. It could be that she's smart enough to realize what she needs and a bottle isn't it. For me, these struggles with breastfeeding have impacted me much like a miscarriage does. I breathe a little easier once I make it past 9 weeks, 4 days of pregnancy. My first miscarriage ended then and that date is seared into my mind. So when 3 months, 29 days of breastfeeding were passed on the calendar, I sighed in relief. I was struggling, but I knew that whatever I did was my very best up to that point and I had the right support and the right mindset this time. Whatever happened after that date, I wasn't going to let it define me.

At 6 months, I struggled with her weight and what my next step needed to be. I wanted to continue, but I wanted her to be healthy. I changed my diet to be higher in healthy fats (which in case you were wondering, will still make you gain weight). I stopped exercising since the days I did, she would almost refuse to eat for 8-10 hours post exercise (that also makes you gain weight). I stayed in close contact with the CLC and online breastfeeding groups. I felt like I was making the right decision and chose to add a little bit of coconut milk into her diet when she would humor me and take a bottle.

During this time, I realized that I couldn't confide in the people I had done so with for years. A phone call that ended with a close, close friend telling me she thought I was being prideful and ignorant because I wanted to keep breastfeeding has impacted our relationship in a way that I'm not sure we will ever recover from. I know that those words came from a place of deep mother guilt over some of her own decisions in parenting, but they still hurt. As mothers we have to make decisions that sometimes are not appealing to others or convenient for ourselves, but we make them and we stand by them because they are the best for our children. And yet, in those moments of silence, sometimes we doubt our choices and lash out at others. We're human.

So now, I've been breastfeeding Sylvia for more than twice as long has I had with Liam. In the last week or so, I've realized that while Liam was done with the bottle before his first birthday and officially on cow's milk with no troubles. Sylvia will not be there by her first birthday. For starters, she has trouble with the dairy digestion so I'll probably either give her goat milk or continue with the coconut since she doesn't seem to mind it when she's in the mood to drink. She won't be weaned by her first birthday. She probably won't be weaned by the time she's walking. I'm not in a hurry. I plan to just, for lack of a better phrase, roll with it. I don't have an end date in mind. I am content with the knowledge that although she apparently nurses more often than "other babies her age", she's doing well. And quite frankly, I don't like to mess with what works. Even if it means I won't be wearing a pretty bra for while.

The "awe"

2012-01-05T17:20:00.000-05:00

I had meant to sit down and write a re-cap of the holidays, but never got around to it. In the month of December, we celebrated Christmas 6 separate times either with family or play dates. Suffice to say, when the tree was taken down and the remnants vacuumed up on December 27th, no tears were shed. I love Christmas, but an 8 month old who thinks it's her job during the holidays to crawl up under the tree and pull down the branches so she pluck needles off to chew on, made me a bit Scroogish.

As I've been recovering, I've spent a lot of time just watching the kids and being amazed. A friend recently told me that she was concerned that I was having trouble adjusting to the differences between the 2 kids. At first I didn't get what she was referring to. And then, it occurred to me that she was referring to my awe. Matt and I call it "awe" because we don't know how else to express it. It's hard to explain this to people, but I'll do the best I can: I am a scientist. I read the theory on children and I memorized the statistics. Now, I'm in the lab working on the practical knowledge. I have head knowledge that every child is different and that despite identical environments siblings can be as different as snowflakes, but until I had more than 1 child, I didn't know how striking the differences could be.

Liam is my amazing, intelligent, determined, stubborn, serious little man. Early on, we realized that he likes to eat and play hard. And then, after a struggle of the wills, he'll go to sleep and sleep through the night. He has been slow to develop his gross motor skills as he didn't show too much interest in moving around without us and was a late walker. He talks constantly. He's a picky eater. His attention span, when piqued, can be longer than some 5 year-olds I know. At 2 and half years old, he enjoys sitting down and doing structured activities, matching games and learning his letters/sounds. He's anything but a daredevil, although he's constantly getting hurt. He begs me to go outside, but hates to be bothered to go anywhere. He'd rather stay home and play. And when he plays, I sit back in amazement as I watch his imagination unfold in front of me.

Sylvia. She's wild. She squeals, giggles, splashes, crawls and moves with every fiber of her being. I can't just set her down and expect her to entertain herself. Not only will she entertain herself, she'll find every single piece of fuzz on the floor and eat it. She loves to snuggle and be held, but she has places to go and things to do. She eats anything I put in front of her but is still the tiniest little thing. She doesn't fight me for naps, but she wakes up in the night, sometimes just to see what's going on. She's already a daredevil, delighting in climbing over things in her way and dangling over the edge of bed/couch/parental lap.

It's so amazing how different my 2 children are even with the same gene pool. We have 2 throw pillows that both children love. Liam loves them because he likes to either lay all over them, or use them to wrestle with Daddy. Sylvia sees them on the floor and purposely crawls to them so she can crawl over them. I can distinctly remember having to remove something as insignificant as a sock from Liam's path because he didn't want the challenge. Sylvia on the other hand, gets mad if I move the pillow out of her way. During bath time, Sylvia splashes like she's swimming in a triathlon. She doesn't care if her eyes and mouth are dripping or there's water up her nose. Once in the water, she's splashing. I don't even have to get her head wet to put shampoo on anymore! In contrast, Liam spends his time in the bath tub acting out nautical scenes with the pirate squirt toys and the sharks. And he does not appreciate being splashed.

So yes, there are glaring differences between my children. But here's the thing, every stage each child is in, is my new favorite stage. And I love the differences. LOVE them. Sure it would be easy if they were the same because there would be no surprises. But for this mama, the one who loathes surprises, I cherish each one.

Like a slap in the face

2011-12-19T14:44:00.001-05:00

Today, I actually had a free morning. Sylvi was napping and my aunt took Liam to play at her house. She has approached me and asked for Monday mornings with him. This means that she picks him up after breakfast and they drive to her house and stay there until after lunch when she brings him home and we spend a little time together before naps. It took me almost the entire first hour to stop being fearful the first time she took him. I don't like anyone driving my kids around for fear of an accident, I was afraid the safety belt in the car seat wasn't hooked in properly (which I was, I did it myself and checked it twice before they left), I worried that she'd drop him getting him out of the car and he'd break something and I worried about him because honestly, since I've been a stay at home mom for the last year or so, I haven't had a reason to really trust anyone else with my children. Today was the third time he's gone with her in the last 2 months and I was actually able to relax the entire time and get some writing done.

Prior to writing, I sat down with our food budget and the sale ads and tried to figure out how I was going to make things work. I mapped out my route and got everything together. I felt pretty in control of my day and Sylvi took a wonderful nap so I got an entire article written and ready for a final proof before submission. She and I went to the stores, came home, unloaded the groceries, changed a few diapers, you know... the usual. Anyway, after I laid her down for a nap, I put away the rest of last week's laundry before tackling Liam's nap. As I put clothes in the drawers, I thought somewhat ruefully, that I was emptying the baskets just in time to start filling them up with this week's laundry. And I sighed. It never ends, does it? The diapers, the laundry, the dishes, the meals, the vacuuming. My life sometimes feels like an endless to-do list.

And then. Out of nowhere, like a slap in my face, I was hit with such a deep conviction that I actually started to cry. Oh my. Doing Christmas shopping this year, I made sure that the kids aren't getting only the latest and greatest toys, but instead gifts that are thoughtful, useful and when possible made either by hand or from a fair trade company. I reused wrapping paper and tissue so as not to be wasteful. While at the grocery store, I purchased whole food items that will give my family the most complete nutrition. I self-righteously scowled in the direction of the Gerber products while picking up some organic baby foods for Sylvi.

There are brands and products I boycott because of their poor business practices and use of child labor. I know far more about indentured servitude that I'd ever like. My heart breaks at the thought of families in these countries affected the most by slavery and poverty. Recently, a friend of mine read a book that has radically changed her life and as we have talked about this topic, I've been reminded again and again how things you never thought possible; cruelties you never imagined, are very real and present. Even here in Ohio. Anyway, as I was thinking about how much I had to do, I suddenly realized what I've been telling Matt for weeks: "our lives are so blessed no matter how poor we feel, no matter how hard things are, we live in such luxury that some people only dream of."

So yes, the laundry baskets just got emptied, but my goodness, I'm so grateful I have enough clothes in my closet that I don't have to do laundry daily. I don't have to do it by hand. I get to even do it at all. There's food in my fridge and I don't have to hope my master is in the mood to feed me tonight after an 18 hour work day. My children won't be sold to pay a debt. I have a roof over my head that doesn't leak. My husband doesn't beat me or use me as a bargaining chip. I have so many blessings and I had the nerve to actually grumble about laundry. I pray that I never forget that I am blessed. Indescribably blessed.

Conversations with Liam

2011-12-18T13:15:00.001-05:00

"So Daddy, whadda do today, Daddy?" (asked multiple times throughout the day and often as early as breakfast)

"I know, Mama. I smart." (In reference to my praise about something he had done well.)

"Wet's go wake da bebe sit-ster. I wanna pway wif her."

Daddy: "Liam are you naughty or nice?" Liam: "Oh, I nice."

Daddy: "Do you want some root beer?" Liam: "No. That yucky. I dwink milk."

"Mama, I needa sit on da couch and 'nuggle wif da bwanget. I sad." (Latest attempts to get out of eating a supper he doesn't like."

"Oh! Be weal careful!"

""Mama. I da Beeg Boy. Sit-ster da bebe." (Said recently when I called him my baby boy.)

"Oh, Mama. You doin' a good job!" (I have mad laundry folding skills.)

"Good job, Daddy." (Said to Matt while cleaning up a dog mess and then also patted Daddy on the back.)

"I da sucerhero. My cape make me go weal fast. Nerome."

"Mama. I workin' now. Needa be quiet."

"Daddy go to work. He needa make money to buy da toys."

"Come on, Dito. I show you." (Said to Vito get him to run and chase Liam while he has food in his hands.)

"Come me, Daddy. Chase!"

Liam: "Wuv you, Mama." Me: "Thank you, Liam. I love you too." Liam: "Welcome!"

"I need go 40 days." (I think this comes from the story of Noah. He really latched on the number 40.)

"It has TWO tires." (said regardless of how many there actually are.)

"I need just one, Mama. One cookie. Pweeeese."

"Just a few minutes, Daddy. We wun, just a few minutes."

8 months and so much more

2011-12-15T12:18:00.000-05:00

8 months people. 8 months. Sylvi is still this teeny little thing and is currently wearing the Christmas sleeper of Liam's that I got for him to wear at 5 months for his first Christmas. As with him, the reindeer on the feet are a great source of entertainment. But unlike him, she has plenty of room in the sleeper.

You'd think with all the eating she does, she'd be gaining more noticeable weight, but the answer is no. Why? I can only assume that for the last month, she's been intent on crawling everywhere. Since we have a floor plan that makes for running in circles easy, she goes around and around. It takes her about 20 minutes to make a full lap from the living room, around the kitchen, through the dining room, around the train table and love seat, and then back to the living room. Typing this reminds me that I really should go and clean the kitchen floor. And vacuum again. Liam was never orally fixated. I could trust him at an early age that he'd not put anything in his mouth unless it was appropriate. So we don't have toys with teeth marks or slobber stained board books. Sylvi on the other hand, she puts EVERYthing in her little mouth. Fuzz, Christmas tree needles, dog hair, dirt... it's awful. The other day, I caught her trying to pull the carpet fibers up so she could suck on them. When that didn't work, she put her head down and gnawed on the carpet that way. It was beyond gross. She also found a rouge marble and popped it in her mouth. Honestly, I have not been so frightened in my life before. I was in the kitchen when suddenly, I thought I needed to check on her, because I had this feeling that something was wrong. Sure enough, she in the living room, on the other side of the room from where I had left her, holding a marble in her hand and the other in her mouth. I had to leave the room and cry I was so scared afterwards.

She loves to eat her table food, but I've had to learn the hard way that her digestion isn't quite as advanced as Liam's was. Part of that may be because he took formula early on in his life so his enzymes were forced to develop. Sylvi cannot digest yogurt without major drama, so that's on hold yet again. I had thought I would keep trying it once a month after the doctor told me I really needed to try her on it, but honestly, it's not really worth the effort. And even though I had planned to use the baby led weaning method for introducing solids, she has had a hard time with some of the foods unless they are pureed. So we're doing things in a half and half sort of method. Sweet potatoes, avocado, peas, small amounts of bananas, things like that I can let her feed herself. But if I want her to get anything dark and green, it has to be pureed and mixed with something else or she's got trouble for anywhere between 12 and 48 hours. I'm currently in the middle of reassessing how I eat hoping to find the key to her troubles.

Sleep is still evasive. She'll be awful for a few weeks and then have a random string of 2 or 3 good nights. And then back to a fresh hell of screaming for hours. I am all the more grateful for Liam's good sleep after the colic. Sylvi is a fairly consistent napper. She naps about the same time everyday, but the length is to be determined on a daily basis. When she wakes up and Liam is running around, I usually let him go in a "get her". He'll stand at the foot of the crib and make noises at her through the slats. She gets so excited to see him and squeals back. He can hardly wait for her to wake up from her naps and is just thrilled to see her up (since she's up before him) in the morning when he comes out of his room.

Often, I see her looking at her big brother with adoring eyes.... even now, at 8 months. She wants to be with him and crawls as fast as she can after him. For the most part, they get along well. He can be too rough and sometimes, she gets too far in his space. It's funny to me that she loves the same toys he does and that she's had the same opinion of many of the same baby items.

But she's her own person. She's very busy and social and nosy. She wants to snuggle more than Liam did, but that time is lessening as she discovers her way around the house. She is much more orally fixated than I'd ever imagined she could be and still just loves her pinky and ring finger on the left hand.

She's still in the smallest size of her BG diapers and wearing mostly 3-6 month clothes. Little by little she's needing the 6-9 month ones, but only for length. Tonight, I put her in a 0-3 month sleeper, but I think we can retire it now that she's longer. Her feet are a size 1. I had bought her size 2 fuzzy boots to wear for the winter, but they are pretty large on her. She'll be in the infant seat for a while yet, so I figure she can use them while we're traveling to keep her feet warm.

Last month she celebrated her first Thanksgiving and we got the Christmas tree. She loves the tree, but I'm convinced it's only because she's plotting how to pull it down. 10 days to Christmas and yet another milestone for her little life!

Sleepless

2011-12-12T14:38:00.001-05:00

**Warning** This post will probably have sleep deprived angst laced throughout.

Over the last few weeks, there have been a number of comments to me from various people regarding my children's sleep habits. I'm beyond annoyed. And every snotty little comment, no matter how "helpful" it was intended to be, really gets under my skin these days. To begin with, things here haven't been so smooth and I'm working to keep myself calm and under control. I cannot change what is, but I can change my attitude toward it. Right now, the attitude is under construction.

When Liam was born, we knew right off the bat that he wasn't likely to be flexible. He made that pretty clear. Sylvia on the other hand appeared to be much more relaxed. Matt and I would high five each other all the time and marvel at what a peaceful baby we suddenly had. Hahahahahaha. And then reality struck. Yes, sure she was all sorts of flexible in the beginning, but that's because she was still so little that she had no routine or schedule. We kind of fooled ourselves into thinking that we were going to be able to just do whatever and she'd come along for the ride. However, 8 months later, I'm realizing that she's just as rigid in her routine as Liam. She's just sweeter about it.

Last week was super fun. We had a wonderful time visiting with my brother and his family, but we also had a lot of late nights. To pay for it, we have 2 kids with snotty noses, short tempers and irrationally whiney voices. And then the nights. At one point last night, I told Matt that I wanted to call each and every person who thinks that skipping bedtime is optional and see if they wanted to help me. What? No takers? I didn't think so. Let's take last night as an example:

715: Sylvi sobs hysterically before suddenly falling asleep in my arms.

800: Liam to bed. He says he's tired and climbs into be willingly.

815-10: 5 trips into Liam's room to rub his back, sing to him, hold him and tell him that there were no monsters. He's so tired by 930, he can't even fall asleep unless I'm holding him. 20 minutes later, I put him in bed and sneak out. It's been a while since I've had to heave a 35 pound toddler up from a random position on the floor without waking him.

1030: Sylvi wakes,screaming. I can tell by the screams that it's going to be a rough one.

1200: I slip her back in bed and beat a hasty retreat to my own bed.

300: Sylvi is up again. She can't be comforted. I try nursing, rocking, teething tablets, tylenol, Daddy. She just cries and cries.

515: Finally! I slip her back into bed. She's limp with sleep, but I'm wide awake now. Awesome. I try and try to sleep, no dice. Guess I'll clean the kitchen and prep for the day.

650: Time to lay down and nap.

730: Sylvi is up for the day... and we're off and running!

Thankfully, my aunt surprised me with a request to take Liam for a little while and play with him at her house. I have a feeling this week is going to be a bit of a challenge so I was grateful for the time to get ahead as best as I can. And now, if you will excuse me, I'm going to lay down while both kids are sleeping. But please remember, before you try to offer unsolicited advice about "loosening up with the kids", you've invited me to call you at whatever ungodly hour my children have decided to keep me awake and have you keep me company. You've been warned.

Treasure

2011-12-02T15:04:00.001-05:00

I've always heard other mothers talk about how their children have taught them to slow down and learn from the world around them. Their kids always have these profound statements about life that lead to their mothers' realizations.

Liam is 2. He's very observant. And he has a wonderful vocabulary. Today, after lunch, he and I were setting up the Little People Nativity. He hasn't seen it since January so he was super excited to play with it. At first, he got out the backdrop and kept telling me it was a show. It took me a while to figure out what he talking about until I realized that he was attempting to retell an episode of Word World where Frog stands on a stage and tries to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. I got a good laugh out of it.

Anyway, he was going through all the characters in the nativity and talking about each one. Moo, says the cow. Baa, says the sheep. Heeeeyyyy, says the shepherd (This one is new to me, I wasn't aware shepherds said much of anything). And when he got to Baby Jesus, he informed me that He cries; Waaahhhh. And then suddenly, I realized that yes, Jesus did cry. Jesus was a baby and since that's how babies communicate, he cried. Probably a lot.

I always thought that Jesus was this perfect little baby with no colic or diaper rash or temper tantrums. I just assumed that since he was here because God sent him that he made life easy on his parents. But then, let's be realistic. Babies and children have base needs and they can't communicate eloquently. And they cry and scream and throw fits. And because the human body is the way it is, there's pain in teething and diaper rash from a too-long-worn diaper.

I'm so grateful that I came to this realization when I did. Luke 2:19 says: But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. I've often wondered why God saw fit to let me have kids with so much drama. The lack of sleep from Sylvi's last 7 months have frequently almost sent me over the edge. I've been doing better though. Sylvi is wanting to snuggle less and less and I've realized that the last 7 months have been there for a reason. I didn't "treasure" the moments as much as I could have with Liam and I learned my lesson for all the late nights and struggles with her eating. I love my babies and I love being their mother.

No matter who you are or who your children are, there are struggles to be had. And my 2 year old reminded me that you need to cherish each moment.

Enter... the holidays!!!

2011-11-26T21:34:00.001-05:00

I'm so excited that the holidays are here. Thanksgiving this year has been a different kind of fun for our family. We started last Saturday and had Matt's parents over since we planned to spend the day with my Dad and his family at their house. When it comes down to it, I guess I don't really care where we are, I just like to be with family, but it sure was nice to not drive so much this year. Oh. And the fact that the kids still got naps on a holiday and were therefore quite pleasant for us in the evening was priceless.

Tomorrow is Sunday, but I'm all sorts of confused since it's been strange to have Matt home for 3 whole days. Thursday we did the Thanksgiving at my Dad's. Friday we made the whole day about our Christmas tree and somehow spent a very long time in the afternoon being anything but productive. Later we put up the tree (I'll have to do another post about the kids and the tree) and then today, we went to Norwalk to visit with my uncles and cousin, Mike who came in for the weekend. Tomorrow is church and cookies. In that order.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing day. I love the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but I really just want to be at home with my family. I've been a homebody for years, but I suspect as the kids get older and our lives change, I'm going to want to be home more and more. There's nothing better than curling up with my kiddos to read, or setting up a fun art project on the kitchen table, or watching your toddler's face light up when he sees the Christmas tree all lit up. I'm so grateful to be Mama to two sweet little ones and a wife to my handsome husband. Bring it on, holidays! I can't wait to experience you again!

Seven

2011-11-15T14:53:00.001-05:00

In this month that we traditionally think of all the things we are grateful for, I am beyond grateful. 4 weeks ago, I sat at this computer typing and crying because I didn't have many positive things to say about Sylvia's growth. This month, she's finally broken over the hump and is doing wonderfully.

After several trips to the chiropractor, nutritionist and lactation consultant, we finally have the nursing thing down. She has a full distended belly after all her feedings and is happy and giggly afterwards. Nursing a child this age is a whole new challenge for me and I'm constantly having to remind her to stay latched on and finish. Or not kick me in the head since she is super active, even during a meal. She's still nursing in the night, but now with a purpose and not just 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there, sleep sucking in between. Which is awesome for me since I've now gotten the chance to heal up and I don't dread feeding her! She absolutely refuses to be left out of meals, so I'm working on introducing the foods we eat the most often to her so I can scoop a little out on her tray and let her go to town. So far, sweet potatoes are the clear favorite and she can hardly contain her excitement when she sees one. I've given her sweet potatoes, apples, pears, peas, spinach, brown rice, jasmine rice, oats, whole wheat, bananas (disaster), yogurt (tummy troubles), carrots, corn, prunes, pumpkin, butternut squash and broccoli. Everything, except those noted went well. I'm going to wait another month or so before trying the yogurt and bananas. Liam had trouble with bananas in the beginning and I'm wondering if she wasn't already having so much trouble with her sleep and intestines when I introduced the yogurt even though it was organic that it was just too much for her system. So I'll wait a little and try it again. One of the benefits of her being able to eat and nurse so well is that I'm no longer spending hours every day trying to get her to poop or massaging her feet and belly or giving her prune juice in a silly little bottle. I'm not giving her any sort of milk supplement any more and things seem to be ok. I am grateful for it all.

Last week, she started to crawl. I am convinced that my kids are not going to be hands and knees crawlers, but in favor the army method. When she is on a mission, you'd better hope the floor is clean and get our of her way. She's not timid about the grass like Liam was as I discovered on a beautiful day last week when she crawled her way off the blanket while I was kicking the soccer ball with Liam. She can sit up, but not yet for long periods of time. The doorway jumper is a favorite activity of hers and I often set her in there while I'm working on supper. I've set Liam's trampoline up to face her and they jump together, laughing in the sweetest manner.

She's crazy about her toes. Every time I lay her down to change her diaper, or sit her in the Bumbo or prop her back on my lap, she's got them in her mouth. So if it's not toes, it's fingers. Or my hair. She's teething like crazy, but nothing has popped through yet. I keep her Amber bracelet on all the time, but still have to give her the Hyland's teething tablets and Ibuprofen from time to time.

She still loves to be read to, and to eat the books. The librarian wasn't too pleased when I explained what happened to the title page in one of Liam's farm books. She likes to be outside, but as the temps have started to drop, she's gotten less and less excited about it. She got to ride in the Lillebaby last weekend while Matt mowed since I was climbing up and down a ladder. Once she got over the newness of the experience (I've only carried her in the front or the side) she settled in and snuggled up to Daddy. She is definitely cuddlier than Liam has ever been, but I can tell those days of laying in Mama's arms for hours on end are coming to a close. At night before bed, she wants her story and snuggle and then off to bed. I'm not rocking her for 30 minutes to get her to sleep and I'm so grateful I knew this transition was coming. I savored the moments while I had them, but the fact that she is growing out of being an infant is still sad to me. Even with her terrible sleeping, I've loved her infancy and soaked up as many moments as I could. This baby has brought my heart so much healing and taught me how to love even more than before.

Liam lately

2011-10-31T21:30:00.000-04:00

I feel like if you were to read this blog, you wouldn't know I have another child. Well, maybe, but it's not very obvious. Liam is just growing and changing so much. Needless to say, he talks all the time. He's speaking more and more in sentences. "Whatcha doin', Mama?" "Whatcha doin' now, Mama?" "Where you goin', Mama?" "You wanna pay twucks me, Mama?" "Read me, Mama!" "I da beeg boy, Mama! Wight?" "Oh my GOssssh!" "I needa wife, to cuta mine banno." "Mama, I help you!" "I wuf you." "Be careful. Be weal careful. Wight, Mama?"

He's also finally answering questions with yes and no, instead of only "ok!" And... he says "excuse me" when he passes gas. I suppose I should be thrilled about this one, but I'm not excited about how he came to know this is appropriate. Daddy is largely responsible for the realization that those funny noises coming from his rear were actually something. How? Daddy thought it would be funny to make the George doll pass gas whenever he bent over. Yeah. That's the world I live in, with only 2 men in the house. I hadn't expected these skills to be learned until I had at least 3 boys.

Liam is still really picky at the table, vegetables don't pass his lips unless they are disguised. Bananas, grapes, cantaloupes and apples the favorites. Apples returned to the list only after he saw how nifty the apple peeler-corer made them. I leave it out on the counter so he can snack whenever he'd like. I have to be careful about what I leave on the counter now, though. The other day, I found that he had gotten out a spoon and dug the crumb topping off an apple pie. He's also figured out how to use his helping tower so he almost climb up on the counter tops. Which would be great if I wanted him to play with the salt shaker or get himself a cup of coffee. He still doesn't try to open the fridge, but is an expert at whining about wanting a cup of milk until you cave under extreme emotional duress and give him some even though it's totally going to ruin his supper. He won't drink juice of any kind and has to have an ice cube in his water in order to make it appealing. Milk is his drink of choice. Until you bring hot chocolate into the picture, that is.

He still hates people touching him unless he's initiated it. Which means, he's not going to give out hugs for free. He still isn't one of those kids who high fives on command or blows kisses because it gets plenty of air time. Don't touch time. Don't talk to him. And do not touch his trucks. Last winter, one of Liam's aunts took his George doll away and teased him with it. At the time, Liam was reliant on George as a healthy body is on your pancreas. Anyway, he wasn't even 2 at the time and took it very personally. Now, months later, I still have trouble explaining to adults that he doesn't like it when people take his toys and tease him with them. I don't get it. Did they like being teased as a child? My aunt tells me that since he won't share with her when she asks him to, she teases him. Right. Because that's teaching him good things. I get so angry over it. I can't help it. Bullying is bullying, I don't care if you're 76 or 6. Back off. Liam will warm up and share and play nicely when he's ready to. Until then, we need to respect his space. My mother was really big on us kids not invading each others space. So I'm really big on the same. I'm trying to teach Liam to respect others. Unfortunately, it's a lot easier said than done with a 2 year old.

I've noticed that his behavior is changing along with Sylvia's development. He loves her and loves to play with her. She will laugh so easily for him and gets giggly just to see him. She's an early bird so we go in together to wake him up every morning and she squeals and kicks as soon as we open the door she sees him. He's getting rougher with her, though. He gets a big kick out of rolling her over and poking her and making her "smile". He tries to share the food he doesn't want with her as well. Just the other day, I found him shoving papaya chunks in her mouth. (It's hard not to over-react when I see a choking hazard.) He hasn't been eating very well when she's at the table with us because he's so distracted by her new-found skills. As rough and toddler-ish as he is with her, it warms my heart when he wipes drool from her chin or puts his arm around her while he "reads" to her.

Discipline with him is an ever evolving art. Somedays, time outs work. Somedays, not so much. I've had to start taking away toys if he's rough toward Sylvia with it. At first he was really upset, but now, I think he understands why. And if all else fails, I threaten him with stickers. That's right. He hates stickers enough that the mere mention of me putting one near him is enough to whip him into shape. I'm not certain it's a good parenting choice, but when faced with a child trying to escape the cart at Target, I will use that sticker any way that benefits my sanity!

Sunday night peace

2011-10-23T22:26:00.000-04:00

It's Sunday night and the kids are in bed. I hear the dishwasher swooshing the background and Matt and watching a new show on ABC. It's quiet and peaceful. Tomorrow, the work week begins a new and I have a slightly smaller list of appointments to attend... and they are all happy. I'm considering painting my toes, even though I almost always wear socks these days.

It's so nice to feel this way for the first Sunday night in months. I'm not worried about how I will survive the week and I'm not dreading the night as it progresses. Suffice to say, Sylvia's nights have been pretty awful. Last week when I wrote, she was on the path to hourly waking and screaming no matter what I did. Monday, she slept a grand total of 5 hours both in the day for naps and through the night. I cried for hours before finally just giving up and watching the DIY channel until the sun came up and we left for her 6 month appointment. The appointment was disastrous. I had seen a lactation consultant the week before and when Sylvia was weighed, she appeared to have only gained 5 ounces in 3 months. At the doctor's office, weighing on the same scale as her last appointment, she now weighed less than she did at 3 months. It was all I could do to keep it together while the nurse took vitals and talked to us about what I could do for her weight. The doctor that we saw was not who I thought we'd be seeing and she was certainly less than empathetic about our situation, harshly informing me that Sylvia was classified as "failure to thrive" because of her lack of weight gain, sleep or drama-free bowel movements. I argued with her and was told that "yes, she is because that's what we doctors call what's going on in her life."

I came home and cried and cried. Matt stayed home from work that day and I slept for 45 minutes, woke up and called our Chiropractor. That afternoon, I took Sylvia in to be seen and had her adjusted. She sang in the car on the way home. Since then, she's nursed better and has generally been in a phenomenal mood. She's sleeping far better at night, although still waking. I've let her eat anything she's wanted to and she's loving it. So far, she's eaten: sweet potatoes, avocados, apples, pumpkin, butternut squash and plain yogurt. Instead of juice, I'm giving her coconut milk. Anything I need to thin down, I thin with the coconut milk. I checked her weight yesterday and while my scale says she didn't gain any weight, she hasn't lost either. In the last few days, she's suddenly started to sit up on her own and giggles a lot more than she ever has.

The last few months have been really hard. Matt has been working a lot and I haven't asked him to help me with the kids or the house since he's been so tired. And that's it. So it's me with the kids doing both the day and nighttime parenting. Which it shouldn't be a big deal... other mothers do it all the time, but since Sylvia hasn't been sleeping, I've been desperate. I've asked for help. And every single time, it hasn't worked out. (Of course, now that Sylvia is sleeping, Matt is home more and my aunt is available to help me.) I turned to a friend for support while I was struggling with breastfeeding and wondering what I was doing wrong and got nothing but criticism. At one point, I even called my therapist, whom I haven't spoken to in well over a year, year and a half, just so I could hear someone tell me that I wasn't alone. Because often, that's how I feel. In a perfect world, I would be able to call my mom and tell her what's going on and she'd come over and help me. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to ask my mother-in-law or my friends' moms for help because I'd have my own mom here. In a perfect world, I wouldn't always feel like I was imposing on someone else if I asked for help. I wouldn't feel like I'm at the bottom of the priority list because I don't belong. I don't have a right to that person's time or energy.

Thankfully, I've found community online through breastfeeding support groups and a few friends here in town. I'm learning who I can and cannot confide in. In motherhood, there are always 2 sides. The co-sleeping vs. crib sleepers. The breastfeeding vs. the bottle feeding. Every choice you make has a group that is on your side and a group that is waiting for you to struggle so they can tell you how you're wrong. Normally, I am staunch in my resolve for my decisions, but when sleep deprivation overcomes me, it's hard. The friend I mentioned? She called me prideful for breastfeeding. And told me to stop feeding my daughter "exotic" things like squash and just do the rice cereal. People don't realize how they hurt one another with their words and actions. They don't realize that brushing someone's need for support off can crush that person. They don't realize that words of truth spoken harshly are far more hurtful that when they are calmly spoken. In the late nights I sat alone in the dark praying for rest, I wondered how many people I've hurt in my own narrow minded insensitivity. How often have I brushed off a friends' concern as irrational and thereby left her feeling alone? I've felt very ashamed about my recent behavior as I realized that I haven't been the least bit supportive of my friends. So yes, I've been struggling, but there's no reason for me to not reach out and love on others. No reason at all. I hope that when my kids grow up, they've learned from me to kind to others. And to listen... really listen.

Half a year has passed...

2011-10-17T23:13:00.004-04:00

I know you aren't supposed to compare children, but I've been doing a lot of it lately. Liam was only 3 months old at this point in the year and yet he was considerably heavier than Sylvia. She's wearing 3-6 month clothes and he needed 9 month stuff. He had finally started to sleep 12 hours at night without too much a fight and she... well... doesn't.

I just started Sylvia on solids very recently. I went back and forth about it for a while and really didn't want to (I was worried it would effect my supply negatively, but considering that she is nursing more since starting solids, I think we're ok), but she kept grabbing food off my plate and throwing fits during our meals since she wasn't involved. I had tried letting her hang out with a spoon while we ate and she noticed that hers was empty. So we started small and I gave her avocado first. She's crazy about it. I've been doing a version of Baby led weaning that works for me. Sometimes, I feed her and sometimes I let her feed herself. I have had to be extra vigilant with the food because of Liam. He wants to help, but if he's not being watched, he'll shove a spoon of applesauce halfway down her throat. If she has a piece of soft food to feed herself, then I've been putting it in a mesh feeder so I'm sure it doesn't become a problem. And by problem, I mean that there is a toddler and 2 dogs in the house... things happen and I worry.

And no, the solids haven't made a lick of difference with her sleep. Sylvia, 20 years from now when you are reading this because your baby has kept you up all night for months, call me. I will come and help you. I will rock the baby and let you sleep. I having a clean house is important to you, I take care of it so you can spend time with the baby or nap or leave the house for a walk. If it's a home cooked meal you need, done. Just ask. And when you need a hug because you feel defeated, you won't even have to ask. I'm your mother and in this case, I actually feel your fatigued pain.

Sylvia and Liam are best of buddies and it's the cutest thing in the world. Her little face just lights up when she sees him and she laughs and laughs at his antics. Daddy and I, not so much. Liam is thrilled with all the attention she gives him and the positive attention he gets from us when he's sweet. He is, however, still a toddler and gets pretty rough. Sylvia has learned to start crying when she's no into it. And loudly. She's going to be the tattler, I can tell already.

Tomorrow is our 6 month checkup at the doctor's. I'm not excited. I know her weight isn't going anywhere and although she's meeting developmental markers (namely sitting up), I know I'm going to get a lecture. And they'll want me to bring her in for weight checks. And then, I'll get a lecture about vaccines. I suppose that in the end, I'm the mom and I'm doing what I feel is best. And trust me, I'm feeding her. Tonight, for example, she's already been up 3 times in a 4 hour period. So, dear doctor and opinionated mom in the lobby, put a sock in it... I'm doing the best I can. Now, go get me a coffee before I fall over.

Days of blur

2011-10-10T13:58:00.001-04:00

I told a friend of mine this morning that I feel a little bit like a triage nurse these days. Matt is rarely home during the week, so I'm not getting to use my evenings to play catch up like I usually do. I've been going to bed nightly with largely unfinished lists and wondering if I managed to get the remnants of supper off Liam's face prior to him going to bed.

I'm not too stressed, but I feel like I cannot catch my breath just yet. I'm trying to take as much of the weight off Matt's shoulders as I can by doing the things he does (like mowing the lawn and fighting with the trash cans) so that when he is home, he gets to spend time with the kids. Sylvia hasn't really been effected by Matt's hours other than she hardly sees him so when she does, she always gives him a funny look as though to ask if he actually belongs here now. Liam, on the other hand, is taking this very personally. He will come to me throughout the day sobbing asking where Daddy is. He is really struggling with self-control and I find him doing things that he knows are absolutely off limits. So when I have to talk to him about it, he just gets so upset. He's been hitting when he's upset and has started to throw toys in anger again. I'm trying to help him with this as best as I can, but the fact of the matter is just that he's a Daddy's boy and our time with him is so precious.

This weekend, we had a conversation while we drove the hour to visit with my family in Norwalk for my dad's birthday, about what we are going to do with our time. I love getting together with family and having huge get togethers, but it's stressful schlepping small children who still really need naps and quiet times around. Plus, I have to figure out if they are going to be able to eat what is being served (or if His Highness will even touch it) so I don't feel like I get to enjoy the holidays as much as I used to. I remember my own parents coming to the decision that we were going to cut back. I remember the day and I remember my Mom throwing a huge fit over how we always traveled around for the holidays and were never home. At the time, I thought she was being absurd (I was an all-knowing teenager at the time) and now, I am totally eating my words/thoughts. In the past, I've said that we are going to cut back and we do, but as the holidays loom, I'm getting anxious. It always manages to work out, but as I have lovingly reminded Matt, it's me who is up in the night with the crabby kids who didn't get naps or were too wound up to settle and are still fighting sleep at 11pm.

I don't know what to do about the future, but for the time being, I'm trying to make sure I have a good routine for Liam's sake. MOPs starts tomorrow for the year, so he'll get that socialization and he does enjoy when we go to the stroller exercise classes. The children's museum in town is starting a Little Explorers class that I'd like to try and do every now and again (maybe on the off week from MOPs) since he doesn't listen well at the library story time. I'm starting a Tot School with Liam this week. I'm just going to do mini unit studies with him in the afternoons during Sylvia's last nap. Matt built him a learning tower for the kitchen, so he's really enjoying participating (safely) while I cook or do dishes, but I'd like to add in some work that's a little more academic. This week's theme is leaves, so we went for a walk this morning to look at the changing colors and gather a few. Then, at lunch, I used my cookie cutters to make his peanut butter sandwich into a leaf shape. To tell the truth, he was a little bothered by the shape of his sandwich at first, but he eventually dealt with it. Since both kids are napping, I should be working, but I just needed to take a moment and not pickup puzzle pieces and just enjoy my coffee. In the end, I think it's been good for Liam to have me be the only parent for the majority of the day because we have been having a lot of fun together even though he misses Matt. However, he still prefers Daddy's bathtime routine to mine. But that's only because the purpose of my baths is to get clean and Matt's is to learn a new method for goofing off. :)

Whoops!

2011-10-05T20:47:00.000-04:00

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I fell into the duck pond at Kingwood Center. I was wearing a white sundress, standing on the edge of the pond, watching the ducks and somehow, I just tipped over and fell in. In case you were wondering, the duck isn't very deep at all and I bounced right back out again. After my mother got over the initial shock of the one child she wasn't concerned about falling in, she laughed. And laughed and laughed. Actually, this story is one that my family still loves to share and laugh over. And I? Well, I don't go close to that edge, even if I am feeding the ducks.

I have always sworn that I would never humiliate my child by repeating the same awful story over and over. Seriously. I'm 30 years old and still just cringe whenever someone brings up the Kingwood Center duck pond. But I tell you what... this is a story that needs to be told. In my defense, I never want to forget the day I thought it was a good idea to take a toddler and an infant to a nature center to look at frogs when the toddler was acting like a diva before we even got there. And, well, he's 2. Not in grade school.

To set the stage, I should mention that Matt was working late and in an attempt to brighten up our day and give us something to do until Matt got home, I thought I'd take the kids to Gorman Nature center after naps. I hadn't taken Liam to the center since early this Spring and I was super excited to take him back and begin the ecology lessons. On the drive over, I chose to take Middle Bellville to Hanley in an attempt to not have to cross traffic on Lexington. Genius since I loathe left turns across traffic. However, I didn't factor in that the sun was setting and it would be in Liam's eyes. Along the way, we'd cross patches of sun and he'd scream like he was being burned. I asked what the problem was and he demanded I turn the sun off because it was too hot. He was just indignant that I wouldn't. I was still laughing when we pulled in the parking lot.

Sylvia in my carrier, camera in hand and Liam marching alongside me, we set to the pond. As we walked, I was just so overcome with joy that I was taking my children to this place that I have such wonderful memories of. Liam chattered on and on about all the animals we were going to see and kept asking if Chris and Martin (from Zaboomafoo) were going to come along. And then he announced that he saw a tiger. Fun times, right?

Well, the turtles were sunning themselves in the middle of the pond and while I really, really wanted Liam to see it, he wouldn't look at them because I still hadn't turned off the sun and he climbed up on a bench to pout. While he was sitting there, I noticed that on the other side of the pond (where the sun wasn't blinding) there was scores of little frogs hopping around the shallow water and pond muck. I crouched down to take a photo and then thought perhaps Liam would like to see the frogs so I called him over to look. In the instant before he got to me, I thought I should be careful lest he fall in. So I reached out to put my arm around him... and realized that it was too late, he was already falling in.

Our trip was cut short after I hauled him out of the muck and mire and realized there was no way we could continue. In the end, I had to strip him to his diaper in the parking lot and wrap him in a receiving blanket before I put him in the car. He cried most of the ride home and when I got him into the bathroom to clean him up, he just stood there and cried and cried. I think he may have experienced his first embarrassment. I felt terrible for him, but I just couldn't stop laughing about it. The whole scenario was just silly and of course he fell in. I really hope that this little slip doesn't impact how he feels about future trips to the Center, but I also know that I'll be much more careful myself now!

Perfection documented

2011-09-29T23:44:00.000-04:00

I haven't been really good about keeping up with life lately. I wrote a really depression post last week about how I had to actually put reminders to brush my teeth and eat breakfast on my to-do list because I've been feeling so overwhelmed. I added stroller exercise classes to my schedule and with that a weight loss challenge (according to BMI, I'm 40 pounds overweight. Depressing, no?) I'm trying to keep my family schedule and work schedule and the church obligations and the playdates and everything else straight. I've been a complete space cadet about all sorts of stupid things and feel pretty frustrated with myself. Yesterday, I put the kids down for naps and just dove in. I threw out a pile of papers and expired coupons and made phone calls.

Today, I was waiting for a phone call back from the doctor's office so we didn't make it to the stroller class. I made more phone calls and suddenly decided that I was going to pack the kids up and go pick apples. Thankfully, I thought to feed Sylvia before we left and because she was full and content our field trip was amazing. Amazing. I don't have the time to write this down in each baby book so I'm writing it down here. I never want to forget this day and how amazing it was. And how blessed I felt to get to be the mother of my 2 children.

We got to the orchard and I unloaded the kids and headed in to find out about the seconds so that I could make applesauce. Turns out, I had to actually go out and pick the apples from the field myself. I had one child in a car seat and a toddler who was distracted by each and every piece of farm equipment in sight. I laughed at what I had to look like when the lady told me. So we loaded up and headed out. As luck would have it the apples were everywhere so I parked as close to the trees as I could, and left Sylvia in the car as she was dosing and I didn't want to bother her. Liam and I tromped around among the trees, picking up apples that were as near to perfect as a little boy could ask for; muddy and adorned from time to time with a slug. I'd point them out to him and that sweet little 2 year old man would strut his stuff over to the apples, pick them up and fly them (complete with sound effects) back to me. He helped me pick 33 pounds of apples. We loaded up and came home so that we could eat lunch and do naps. Lunch happened, naps did not.

In the place of naps came quiet time for both kids while I scrubbed the apples and then when I was done feeding Sylvia, playtime. I laid Sylvia down on the floor to play with her toys and offered the movie for Liam. On this day, Liam turned down watching Cars so he could "play wif Sylvi". I didn't get much done while they were playing because I was standing in the doorway watching them be so precious and crying. I am so blessed and so in love with my babies. I've been having a rough time emotionally lately, letting worries get the best of me and I really needed to see them interacting like that. After Sylvia finally went down for a nap, Liam still refused his movie so he could help me. He stood next to me in the kitchen while I chopped apples, handing me the next one complete with the zooming sound effects.

While the apples cooked, we practiced skipping and danced. And danced and danced. He laughed and I laughed and when Sylvia woke from her nap and joined us, she laughed. Daddy came home and we had supper together and then played while the last of the applesauce processed. Sylvia looked on in horror while I wrestled with Liam on our bed and he laughed until he was red in the face and I was out of breath. I was almost sad to put them to bed tonight. And I can't wait to have fun with them tomorrow.

When I am old, this is the day I want to remember. I want to remember Liam marching through the grass at the orchard announcing that "Wiam" was coming to help. I want to remember Sylvia stealing most of Liam's pumpkin muffin from his plate at lunch and grinning at him while he told her repeatedly to "TOP!" I want to remember Liam telling me that the apples were all shiny because they were wet. I want to remember that for every apple he handed me to chop up, he reminded me to be "weal careful!" And I want to remember the next time I just don't know why I'm the mother of these children when I don't feel like I'm the best fit for them that today, my little boy, put his arm around his sister's shoulder and said: "Wuv you" as she looked up adoringly at him. And then, he shoved her face into the carpet just in case I thought he had gone soft.

5 months!

2011-09-21T11:41:00.000-04:00

I have had a hard time realizing that Sylvia has actually been here for 5 months (and I know, shame on me for starting this a week after the fact!), time has just flown so quickly. That and she is just such a little peanut! I started to pack up her summer clothes and was so sad that I was putting away all these tiny outfits until I realized the majority of the things I was packing away were still newborn or 0-3 sized. At this point with Liam, I was already looking at 9 month clothes! To make an even greater difference, she's still in the smallest size her diapers go and the tabs on the small BG AIOs touch in the center.

She is rolling and scooting much more than Liam did... probably because she's not as heavy as he was. She has discovered her feet and will lie on the floor holding them and looking around as though to make sure no one comes to steal them. She isn't sitting up by herself yet, but does like to hang out on our laps looking around... sadly, she's pretty much over the Bumbo already. She'll sit in it long enough for me to eat a meal or tidy up the kitchen, but I'd better be moving.

Sleep is still an issue. Somedays she'll nap and then not sleep at all during the night. Then, the next days, I'll limit her naps and she'll still be up half the night. Every now and again, she's getting an excellent night's sleep, but my body is so used to being up every 2 hours, that it so far hasn't really helped me out.

This is probably a silly milestone to mention, but because we didn't do it with Liam until he was sitting independently, I think it's neat. I had found a bathtub seat at a garage sale and it's wonderful. Again, I know it's silly to even be bringing this up, but I had noticed that our water bill was higher even though I'm not doing the pool or the slip and slide anymore. It occurred to me that it was due in part to doing to separate baths for the kids; Sylvia in the infant tub and Liam in the big tub. So now, I run the water for one bath and put Sylvia in her seat for her bath. I started to put some toys in the water and she's enjoying that! Then, when I'm almost done with her bath, we put Liam in and let them splash together until I'm ready to sweep her off to bed for the night. Even if it isn't a money saver, I still love soaping both kids up and watching them grin at each other!

Sylvia loves being read to. Each night before bed, I've been reading her a board book of a.a. milne poems and The Going to Bed Book. We did it with Liam and I thought it would be fun to do it with each child. I need to get her her own copy of the Bed book. I thought it would be a sweet gift for the kids when they have their own children. During the day we are slowing working our way through The World of Pooh. I read while the kids play and while I can't say that they are actually listening, I still think it's a good idea. She also loves the voices I do with the Sandra Boynton, but I'll admit that the first time I yelled "YES THE HIPPOPOTAMUS", she cried.

Even though the AAP doesn't think that exclusively breastfed babies need solids before 6 months and I hadn't planned to even offer them to her, I have been been giving her avocado. I can't say whether she likes it or not... I'm not fully convinced her tastebuds even really discern distinct flavors at this point, but she keeps opening her mouth and grabbing for the spoon. So, I smoosh up the avocado and load the spoon and let her work it out for herself. I've offered her little pieces of soft bread and she didn't seem to care for that. She licked it a few times and then gave it up in favor of her hands. I'm not in a hurry to start this, but she doesn't seem to be really satisfied by nursing alone. Sometimes, she cries when she's done eating and it reminds me of when I started to lose my supply with Liam. Needless to say, I'm back on the oatmeal train trying to do what I can.

Those pesky teeth are struggling to make an appearance. She's been chewing on everything in sight and her gums are really puffy. I bought her an amber necklace and that reduced a lot of the tears and drool, but is not a miracle cure. However, I'd rather her use that than keep pumping her full of Tylenol. I'm excited for the teeth to arrive... I'm anticipating them any day now!

On things not always being as they seem

2011-09-12T06:13:00.000-04:00

We've been having a great deal of trouble with Sylvia's sleeping. As in, it's been non-existent. She's so sweet and mild-mannered and generally a content little one, but to be completely honest, I've been dreading the nights so much. I knew I was going to be lucky to get an hour and a half in between her feeds through the night. And then, I'd sit in the rocker trying in vain to get her to sleep again. After the first 10 minutes of rocking at 3am, I'm pretty calm, but let it get to 30 minutes and I start to cry.

Friday night, I had been in bed for 6 minutes when she woke up. I had only fed her an hour before that, so I just went in to rock her back to sleep. 45 minutes later, she woke up again, so I fed her, but she really wasn't eating, just comfort sucking. I was too tired from the zoo trip to be patient so I handed her off to Matt for half an hour of rocking while he watched a movie. Less than an hour later, she woke up again and I started to sob. We have had good nights here and there in the last 5 months, but there has been no rhyme or reason to her nights and I just didn't feel like there was a reason for it. She's so routine through the day, it literally didn't make sense to me. Matt came in and took her away from me, changed her diaper and her sleeper and told me to go to bed. So I did. I laid in bed and sobbed. I cry easily to begin with, but it's so much worse when I'm tired. Matt laid Sylvia back down in her crib and I could hear her crying on the monitor so I got even more upset.

Matt took the monitor away from me and closed the doors telling me that if she needed to eat, he'd come get me. He then reminded me that we had gone through this stage with Liam where I couldn't be the one to go in at night because he would smell me and assume that it was snack time. And that's all it was, a snack and he'd go back to sleep. Half the time, he wouldn't even be swallowing. Since it was about 3 in the morning by this time, I agreed that Matt could be on monitor duty so I could get some sleep, fully anticipating him to wake me in an hour or two. I woke up at 530, and she was still sleeping. I woke up again at 7 and she was still sleeping. She was still sleeping at 8. She had cried for less than 5 minutes while she squirmed around in the crib and got comfy before falling asleep for a solid 6 and a half hours.

Saturday we decided to see if she could settle herself down for naps and she did. Not only did she settle down, she did it faster than when we rock her and she still slept well. We tried it at bedtime and once again, it was successful. With the exception of scooting herself into the corner of the crib and getting stuck once, she slept through the night. So far, tonight, the same.

This brings me to the point of this post. I had planned to co-sleep and neither child really took to it. Both children have slept far better alone than with me. I had planned to nurse on demand and it was disastrous with Liam and Sylvia settled into her own routine so well with daytime feedings that it really isn't even necessary because I already know when she'll be hungry. I wore Liam as much as I could, but he one day reached a point where he wanted nothing to do with it. Currently, Sylvia likes to be carried around, but I'm fairly certain it's only because she thinks she's part of the action that way and once she's mobile, cuddle time will be over. So here I am, armed and ready to Attachment Parent to the best of my ability and my kids aren't interested.

Attachment Parenting has such wonderful benefits and I've been championing the method for going on 3 years now. Of course, if I follow the AP principles, my children will be intelligent, confident, well adjusted and secure. Clearly, I was sold before I even got pregnant with Liam. I've been feeling so badly about how with all preparation and energy, it just hasn't worked out like I thought. Then, last night, I found this post by Hobo Mama. I've been reading her blog for years and have all but fallen down on my face in veneration of her skills as an AP parent. Because she was so generous with her honesty, I shared with Matt how I was feeling for the first time. I expressed my feelings of failure and stupidity. He looked at me and reminded me that I don't like to be "close" all the time. He reminded me that I set aside my own reluctance for attachment as it were for the sake of my children and this parenting method I so strongly believed in. And then, he reminded me how much like myself Liam is: independent, bull-headed and confident. He cuddles when he needs it because he knows I'll always be there to hold him. He comes to me when he's scared because he knows I'll protect him.

Perhaps Attachment Parenting is working for us, it's just that it works differently. Maybe my children have more of my personality in them that we realize and that's why they pick and choose their degree of attachment. So, now instead of rocking Sylvia for half and hour before she finally drops off to sleep and then gingerly holding my breath as I slip her into the crib I can rock her and read classics before she falls asleep. I can hum to her like my mom did to me and not worry that she won't fall asleep if I do. I'm doing the best that I can with the tools that I have, but sometimes, even when I know I doing the right thing for me, I have to make exceptions. I don't know where I'm going from here, but I do know that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Zoo Day!

2011-09-11T21:07:00.000-04:00

You try and you try and this is the best you come up with for a group shot :)

In the cold of January, Matt and I had talked about getting zoo membership. I wanted it, he said we should wait until next year. I argued that Liam wouldn't get in for free past July and I knew that as he got older he'd only increase in his interest for animals. Matt argued we wouldn't have time with a new baby. In the end, we got a membership to the children's museum in town and Matt was right, I didn't have time. Friday was the first time all year I made it to the zoo.

Even though it was hard to get out of the house in the morning with enough stuff packed for all 3 of us and then realize that I didn't have any gas in the car or my directions, I was glad we went. So glad. Liam had a wonderful time with my friend's daughter and it was nice to have someone along to take a shift while I fed Sylvia and I reciprocated while she fed her little guy. It was nice since most of my friends have stopped nursing and I'm the only who can't get up and chase her child while feeding the other one. (This is find ironic considering that when I was bottle feeding Liam I felt like the odd one out all the time and this time, I'm still the odd one, only on the other side of the fence!) It was nice to have someone to eat lunch with and carry on a conversation with.

Liam was in a pretty foul mood before we left so I was a tad worried about his behavior. There proved to be no reason for my fear in the end. Once we got to the zoo, he was so excited to see the animals, that he sat nicely in the stroller and told me when he was ready to get out and look. He was very excited to see the Rhino and the Elephants, but the Tiger really was a treat. The tiger was pacing in front of the glass and kept stopping to look in at the kids (Here is where I was concerned: there were 2 little boys who were already there when we arrived and they were screaming and hollering and banging on the window. Their mother was texting. I kept telling Liam to pipe down, but I tell you, other kids have quite the influence over toddlers and he was super excited to chase the tiger as it ran by.). We didn't stay there too long.

The next thrill for Liam were the fish. The fish in the ponds. The fish in the polar bear tank (no, he couldn't have cared less about the bears). The fish in the aquarium. He talked about the fish "wimmin' down in da water" most of the weekend.

I was really proud of Liam's behavior the whole time we were there. He listened to me or my friend so well. He did a lot of walking, so he conked right out in the car for the first 45 minutes of our drive home (I say "first" because I took a wrong turn and doubled my drive time home. Whoops.). Sylvia was an angel and rode along, taking in the sights with her eyes wide. She chewed alternately on her giraffe or her caterpillar and eventually took a short nap. It was fun and I'm still so thrilled we went. I hadn't been out of town with the kids alone yet, so I'm glad it was a good first experience.

I'm a Conservative Christian and I want CLEAN AIR!!!

2011-09-10T18:39:00.000-04:00

Cross Posted at Moms Clean Air Force

As a new mom, I was excited to visit play groups and momsclubs to meet other mothers. I wanted toconnect and be a part of something. Mydiaper bag was full of cloth diapers, a reusable water bottle and homemadesnacks. When asked, I was honest and toldthem my ecofriendliness isn’t a hobby, it’s a lifestyle. As always, this raised eyebrows in my circleof friends; conservative and Christian. Somehow, being environmentally conscious and possessing any religiousaffiliation has become impossible.

When I surveyed the moms in my area about the level ofimportance environmental issues played in their lives, the primary answer I wasgiven is that they just don’t consider themselves environmental. They try to teach their children not towaste, but when it comes to taking a stand for something like cleaning up theair we all breathe, they’d rather leave it to the “non-conservative leftists”.

I understand that not everyone will have the same interestsor the same convictions, but in my opinion, if anyone should be above the curvewhen it comes to protecting the Earth and our children, it should be those whoclaim to have a personal relationship with God. If God created the Earth and all that inhabit it, isn’t it beingdisrespectful to pick and choose what we are going to protect? We spend so much time focusing on humanrights and yet gloss over the conditions in our world that silently threatenthe quality of our lives.

This is my Father's world, and tomy listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought. ~ Maltbie DavenportBabcock

If you believe that God created the Earth, then you believethat when he created our human bodies, He had a reason for everything hedid. Take a moment and think aboutrespiration. The respiratory system is adelicate balance between the intakes of the air around us, the cleaning of saidair and the expiration of the CO2 our bodies don’t need. Our breathing is not only vital our survival,but also part and parcel of balance here on Earth. Living animals (including humans) must intakethe oxygen in order to survive, expelling carbon dioxide as waste. In the meantime, plants are doing the exactopposite. In doing so, we have aconstantly renewing balance in the atmosphere. Because of this balance, the oxygen is simply renewed and neverconsumed. This would lead one to theconclusion that we’re essentially breathing the same air that the Earth wascreated with, except now, through the years, it’s collected other chemicalsthat no matter how hard our lungs and the stoma on plants work, never fullygets scrubbed out.

I don’t want my children breathing air that is intentionallypolluted. I can’t imagine any motherwanting this. But if we insist oncalling ourselves conservatives who have no interest in environmentalism, weare signing away our voice by our inactivism. And when we make the decision to throw away that vote because it’s notpopular at church or the moms group or the grocery, we have no one to blame butourselves for wasting this chance we have to stand up for our children’sfuture, regardless of our creed.

I write while they sleep

2011-09-03T01:52:00.000-04:00

I always thought that Liam was older than he was because he was way ahead in his clothes and speaking so darn clearly at 14 months. I try to remember that he's only 2, but sometimes, I have a hard time accepting that the season of life I'm in with him is going to be just down right awful sometimes. He and I go round and round with our wills. Somedays he's just being ornery and others, like today, he's acting out because he's mad. I don't know what the deciding factor was for him, but today he was a whirling dervish of screaming, yelling, kicking, hitting, punching and whining. By midafternoon, I had just about lost it with him. He refused his nap, woke his sister and wouldn't stop throwing cars/trains/books at anyone in his line of sight. He's been a real stinker lately, but this was the worst day so far. I've had a few friends offer lately to take him off my hands for a few hours since I'd helped them out with their kids in the past and these offers are nice, but highly improbable. His behavior is the worst when Sylvia is sleeping. And I'm not waking her up so I can drop him off at a friend's. Ugh. I don't know what the answer is, but I am really, really trying to remain as calm as I can. It's not easy.

On the other hand, I have little Miss whose sleep has been horrific at best. So in addition to Liam acting out on a near constant basis, I'm exhausted from long, long nights. She had her 4 month check up this week where we learned that she's now 12 pounds 4 ounces and 25.5 inches long. And the ear infection I thought she had for sure (the only cause for frequent night waking in Liam and he had a lot) wasn't the case at all. The doctor checked her out, declared her to be perfectly healthy and on track in every way and then sent me home to ride out what appears to be another child who struggles with teething. Awesome. I came home, got online and ordered an Amber teething necklace for her. It arrived yesterday afternoon and I immediately put it on her. She's so petite that even though I had ordered the smallest size available, it's still quite large. And it concerns me that Liam will use it as a handle to whip her around. So I wrapped it around her wrist like a bracelet and it fits perfectly. In theory, the amber is a natural analgesic and wearing it is supposed to ease pain from teething, ear infections, headaches and even arthritis. I'm not going to declare it a miracle cure, but I will say that for the last 2 nights, she's slept for 7-8 hours in a row before waking for a quick feeding. Her drooling is much better and she's back to being pretty perky instead of the sad, listless baby she was before.

I have a hard time realizing that she's almost 5 months old! She's so tiny compared to Liam at this age and since she's still not sleeping through the night, I just feel like she's younger than she really is. I went back and looked through what we had done with Liam at this age and realized that she was more than ready to add some variety to her life. Liam was in the Bumbo at like 2 months. I totally forgot about it for her until one day when I was rocking her in her room and noticed it in the closet. She loves it! She sits up and looks around and grabs at her feet and leans over the side and grabs for things... geez! If I had known my nosy newt would have been so into it, I would have done it a while ago! We also got out the exersaucer this week. She really seems to enjoy it and all the fun things to look at on it, but she doesn't enjoy Liam's interest in it as well. I knew that he'd have a hard time leaving her alone in it, so I have to watch him closely when she's playing. He had loved it so much when he was her age all the way until we moved and it took up residence in the basement, that I knew he'd still remember it. And I got out the bath seat for her to use in the big tub. She was completely fascinated by the falling water from the faucet, tried to grab at some of the toys I put in with her and actually really seemed to enjoy the change of pace for bath time. Perhaps the infant tub is ready to be packed away?

Next week is going to be a busy one. I'm returning to my tutoring job in the evenings and set my hours so that we can have the kids in bed before I start instead of sticking Matt with bedtime for both. So that means starting now, we have to work on getting both of them in bed earlier than 9. I know. It's kind of gotten out of hand with the bedtimes. Liam uses ever excuse in the book to not go to sleep. Tonight, after I had gotten Sylvia down and Matt was done with Liam, I went to the grocery store. I was gone just over half an hour and when I got home, Matt told me that Liam had told him he needed a drink, he needed his diaper changed, his back rubbed, another story, me, some playtime, he was too hot, he wanted to brush his teeth and he needed to pray again. He hadn't napped and was looking pretty rough come bedtime to begin with, but he just does not want to miss out on anything! I suspect that bedtimes are going to be rough for a while to say the least.

Quick catch up

2011-08-29T15:26:00.000-04:00

I have really been working on Liam developing some manners. It's not easy, but I think we're finally starting to make progress. He's got "please" down pat. "Thank you" has become a phrase that he smooshes in with "welcome!" now. So this is how it goes:

Liam: Whales.

Me: Ok. What do you say first?

Liam: Pweeeease, OK!

Me: Here you go, some fish crackers.

Liam: (sing song voice) Ank you! Welcome!

We're still working on "excuse me". He said it once this weekend, but it was totally out of context. Cute though! He says "sawdy" now whenever he bumps into someone. When he hurts his sister... not so much. He also has decided that things are "funny" now. Sometimes, it really is and others... I'm not laughing.

He's gotten increasingly rough with her this past week. I can no longer leave the kids in one room and work in the other. Not if I want my 4 month old in one piece, that is. We think that he really enjoyed all the praise I heaped on him for being so sweet with Sylvia, that now he's going to give it his all. All his strength. All his enthusiasm. All his trucks. Sylvia has learned to cry faster in these last few days.

She's doing ok. We have a scheduled check up for her on Wednesday morning. She hasn't been sleeping well again and wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me for a few days before I thought to try and put her crib mattress on an angle. So as I did, she started sleeping again. Combine this with her uncomfortably snotty nose, constant drooling and apparent teething, she's either got an ear infection or has referred pain in her ears from her teeth. She's eating ok and other than a general low-grade fever, she seems to be managing.

Matt finished work on a massive mural of a desert tableau. It's taken almost every single night for a week. I'm excited for him to have this under his belt and off the to-do list. Once this is done, he has another mural to do and then it's nutty work hours. Or so I hear. We haven't exactly spent much time together in the last few weeks. He's been working and I've been canning. I worked every single night last week until at least 11pm, if not later. I only have another bushel of tomatoes to do (once that order is in) and then apples late next month. Once I have that stuff taken care of, I plan to start doing more batch cooking and advance prep so we have well thought out meals this Fall. I want to play with my kids as much as possible and since Sylvia has pushed her nap to later in the afternoon so that I'm rocking her right before supper, this plan is necessary.

The weather is finally cooling off and I'm so glad for it! I wore jeans today and put socks on Sylvia. I made Liam wear a shirt when we went out to play. In the sun, it's amazing, but when the sun slips behind the clouds and the wind blows it's almost chilly!!! We finally invested in a double stroller just as Liam decided that he loves walks, so we have been getting out a lot lately. This afternoon, I'm hoping to zip over to the bike trail and walk with them before supper.

The day I found my spine...

2011-08-18T15:39:00.000-04:00

Today I had to discipline a child who was not my own... in front of his mother. And it was awful. Awful because I had to do it several times before I asked them to end our play date. It was awful because I was furious and I didn't want to be. It was awful because I feel very insecure about my choice to put an obnoxious toddler in time out. And then enforce the time out.

When Liam was tiny, we'd get together with friends and I noticed that there are the ones who fuss constantly and the ones who check out from parenting the moment the playdate arrives. I'd like to think I have the right balance, but I'm not sure I'm there yet. So while I'm not going to throw a fit because your teething child put a cardboard book in his/her mouth and drooled so much on it that the picture melted off (honest to John, this happened. Teething drool is powerful!), I'm also not going to ignore your child's behavior if it's not appropriate. I didn't ever say anything no matter how frustrated I was to the parent until recently. Suddenly, I realized that while I have rules in the house that Liam as follow, by me waiting for the other parent to notice that their child was throwing toys and deal with it, I'm not being fair to my own child. If I don't allow him to throw in the house, then your child isn't allowed to either. So if Liam were to be playing with a child who is throwing and I tell them to stop it and the other mother repeats what I said, therefore effectively warning each child about the behavior and the consequence and Liam then chooses to throw a train across the room, he's going in time out. And that's that. I don't care that I'm on a play date too and I'm supposed to be visiting with my friend, I'm still the parent. Consistency is key. When I am consistent and follow through with the consequences for behaviors, then I don't have the trouble with behavior.

But by being consistent it means that I have to be "on" 100% of the time. I don't hover, but I pay attention. Right now, I have 2 children, so I'm busy ALL THE TIME. If I'm not, Liam climbs on the piano while I'm nursing. Or Nunzio takes off with Sylvia's burp rag. I pay attention to the kids all day and and I make sure that the rules that are in place so that no one gets hurt (no shoving the chair back from the table, climbing on the piano, throwing trains, shoving, etc.) and we learn to respect each other, but I still make sure that we have fun. Other moms don't like their kids playing outside because they'll get dirty. I have a washer and soap, I couldn't care less as long as he's not freshly bathed or in "nice" clothes. He can get as filthy as he wants when we are outside. I let him feed himself and drink from a lidless cup. But I don't let him wander the house with food... we have dogs, they act like piranhas and he thinks it's funny to have them chase him around the house dropping food crumbs everywhere. I don't find any humor in this.

I have rules in this house and I expect people to follow them, just like I follow them at your home. One of my main goals in raising my kids is to teach them to be respectful of others. And in doing so, I need to show him consistency. So if he's getting a time out for a behavior, so is the other kid. If he's not allowed to throw, neither are you. If we don't eat in the living room, neither do you. I expect that when we are at your house, that you'll tell me your rules so I can make sure they are followed. I told this other mother today that I felt bad that I had to lay down the law with her child, but in the interest of me not being annoyed with her child because she isn't watching him closely because she feels comfortable, I'm going to start enforcing. I was terrified to say this. I would be mortified if someone needed to discipline my child! I would have been horrified if Liam had done half the things in someone else's home that other mothers have allowed their children to do here. To my shock, my friend looked at me and said she didn't care if I put her child in time out. She only felt bad that I had to do it in the first place. She then proceeded to tell me that if we were at her house and Liam were doing something he wasn't allowed to, she wouldn't hesitate to tell me to deal with him and if I didn't, she would.

I hate this part of parenting. I hate that I had to have the conversation in the first place because it brings me back to the day that my mother hauled a neighborhood boy out of our garden (by his ear) and marched him down to tell his mother that inviting himself into other people's gardens for a snack isn't acceptable. That mother didn't let her children play with us for months after that. Moms get defensive. It's probably all those hormones and lack of sleep. One of the things that makes me bonkers is when other people tell my children how to behave IN MY HOME. My house. My rules. Shut your mouth. Having this friend, who is honestly one of my absolute closest friends in the entire world tell me that she accepted my need to step in this morning was the most freeing thing for me. I'm not good with setting boundaries and keeping them. I'm not good with telling people they've overstepped in a polite manner and then standing my ground about my decision. I have wound up letting friendships wither because I couldn't stand up for myself. I've been put out for months over 2 incidents where guests in my home thought it was appropriate to tell Liam what he "needed" to do before bed. I've asked around to other mothers to see what they would have done in the situation and feel like I have a plan in place should it happen again. I hate this fear of conflict, I hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach after I tell someone the truth about how they've upset me. I don't want my kids to grow up feeling like I didn't defend them and I don't want them to grow up watching me wimp out time after time and then be a grump about it after the fact. Yesterday, I took a huge step and told someone they couldn't come visit because I honestly was just too busy. Today, I drew a line as far as behaviors go. Hopefully, I'll have a few days before I have to tell someone to stop bossing my child around because they have no business doing so.

Toddler proofing

2011-08-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

Yep. Had to hide my makeup brushes from the artist!

I find Liam doing the darnest things these days. In the last week, I had to move the toothbrushes to the linen closet to keep Liam from brushing his teeth with everyone's brush and attempting to get the toothpaste cap off. All writing utensils are up on the mantle now since he is convinced that he's the next Picaso. And chapstick. He's suddenly obsessed with it and begs me to put it on his "wips". I'm all about that, but I don't like him to carry a tube around the house since he pops the cap off and I'd hate for him to choke. He's crazy about climbing on the couch and dangling over the side. Or climbing over the back of the love seat and onto his toy box. I keep that open as much as possible now so he doesn't have a place to vault off of. I'm terrible, I know.

He's currently obsessed with drawing be it with paint or markers or pencils or crayons or chalk. I decided that I didn't want to spend all my time chasing him around yelling about him drawing on things, so we have 2 boxes of art supplies. One box has all the color wonder things that he can use whenever he'd like, where ever he'd like. The other box has stuff to use when I'm available and I can make sure he isn't turning the living room walls into murals. In that box, I have his new set of paints that I found at JoAnn Fabrics. They are really neat and they don't spill, so I like them! I try to do at least 1 creative thing with him every day, even if it is just drawing on the sidewalk with chalk or baking cookies. We read together as much as I can, and that's turned into a family reading time since Sylvia enjoys it too. I ordered a double stroller last night since Liam has suddenly decided that he likes going on walks now. I can't wait for it come in the mail! When it gets here, we'll be doing the bike trail again in the mornings.

He's starting to want to "help" me now. He asks to clean and marches around the house with either the broom or the extension tubes for the vacuum sweeping the floors. He likes to help with the dishes now, but the only benefit to that is that the floor in front of the sink is really clean. When I take laundry down from the line, he follows along with the clothespin basket and takes the pins from me cheerfully declaring "thank you" and "welcome" when I hand them to him. He's getting to be really good about saying please, thank you and welcome in the appropriate situations. He also says "sorry" now whenever he bumps into someone or thinks he's hurt someone. However, when he's too rough with Sylvia, he sees no reason to apologize, especially when he makes her cry. I've been trying to teach him to cover him mouth when he sneezes or coughs, but it's hard considering that he rarely has reason to. I'm working on him saying "excuse me" when he needs past someone. So far, huge failure. He has, however, mastered "MOOVE" and uses it frequently.

All that sounds good, I'm sure, but he's been horribly whiny lately. Screaming and crying and throwing fits. My patience has been seriously tested lately. I've been putting him in his room when he won't stop whining. It's like he gets overstimulated when he's already grumpy and doesn't know how to calm himself down, so when I remove him from the situation, it helps. He's been getting in trouble for kicking a lot lately. I play "soccer" with him in the yard and he's got decent aim for a 2 year old, but he seems to feel it's ok to kick everything in sight: dogs, furniture, Sylvia, toys, Mama. He's not been eating well this week either. I don't think he has much of an appetite, so I'm not pushing him. When he's hungry, he tells me he's "ready eat", so I give him options. He loves choices.

Whatever the day, or the situation, I'm finding that as long as I'm at least 1 half step ahead of him, we have good days. It's harder when I have rough nights with Sylvia or I don't feel at the top of my game. He knows me and knows when I'll let things slide. When he doesn't want to do something, we tell him we're going to chase him and then herd him in the direction we need him to go. Exercise and he gets a bath. What more can I ask for?

Sylvia at 4 months

2011-08-18T14:00:00.000-04:00

Oh my little P-nutter Butter! You are just growing like a weed! You are now 26 inches long, but not quite 13 pounds. All of your 3 month clothes fit you around the middle, but not in length. I keep telling you that your pants look like capris, but in reality, it looks like you're expecting a flood. And the sweet little dresses that I once thought were "so big" are now micro minis! You are getting really strong and roll over from front to back every chance you get. It's started to disturb your sleep a little since you wake up and are unsure how you got to where you are, but we're dealing with it. I started to feed you from both sides every feeding and suddenly you stopped with the nutso night waking. I had thought you had an ear infection because the horrible nights were the only way I could figure out when Liam had one. I was all set to take you in the doctor when a friend mentioned me that each baby will get all the calories they need for the day in one way or another, some kids spread it out through the day and night and other cluster feed. You've never fussed when you finished a side, so I thought you were content. Anyway, I offered you extra on Monday (your 4 month birthday) and you inhaled it. And have continued to do so ever since. Monday night was still hard, Tuesday night was easier and Wednesday night was a breeze. I'm wondering if you'll suddenly start to gain more weight now?

You are honestly the easiest baby in the world. I love it! And considering that Liam is still super spicy, this is the greatest blessing! You have some things that you are rather particular about, like rides in the car, but on the whole, not a whole lot bothers you. It's taken 4 months, but we have a rather predictable daily routine. I have to be careful to make sure I respect your cycles of eating, playing, and sleeping, though. Because you don't pitch a fit every time I tweak things longer than you can handle, sometimes I make the decision to make you wait longer for a nap or feeding than I should.

You love me and are so bonded to me and I to you... so much that I know before you are going to wake up in the night and am usually already up waiting for your cry (and by cry I mean sleepy grumbles from the crib). We are best buddies and you hang out with me all the time while I do things around the house or take care of Liam. You love your Daddy, too and it's so sweet how you perk up when he talks to you. However, as much as you love your parents, I think that Liam is your favorite person in our home. He adores you, even if he's a little rough, and can't wait for you to wake up from naps. He stands at the end of the crib and talks to you and pats you. You squeal and bounce when you see him. I set you down on the floor with him to "play" and he loves to "read" to you and tell you things and hug and kiss you. You just soak up every thing he does and says. I can't get enough of it!

Your personality is sweet and gentle, but boy, you are nosey! You will do just about anything to make sure you can see everything that is going on around you! You love being with people and looking at other babies. You like to watch tv with Liam, I suspect mainly because he gets in your face and kisses you and tells you about the show. I anticipate that you'll be communicating verbally even earlier than he did, if you only to make sure I get the chance to hear you. You have shown no interest in food other than to suck all the juice out of a piece of watermelon a few weeks ago. When you're ready, I plan to follow the Baby led weaning style of introducing solids. Until then, we'll just keep things the way they are!

A morning to myself

2011-08-12T06:12:00.010-04:00

That title is probably a bit misleading in that the "myself" part is only because the kiddos and the hubs are still asleep. I got up with Sylvia and then decided to just stay up. So the dishwasher is unloaded, laundry is running and I had a warm breakfast. The last 2 weeks have been a little nutty here, so I'm grateful for the peace and quiet.

Today is Liam's last swim lesson. It really hasn't been a good experience. In retrospect, I think I made a poor choice in my concern to make sure that he has some water safety skills. I need to remember that Liam has about the same opinion of crowds, new situations and people as I do. I want him to be confident, but I also need to remember that just because my mother forced me into situations where I was scared out of my mind because "it was good for" me, it's not something I want to do to my own child. We're going to go to this class today because Grandma is coming for a visit and Daddy took the morning off to see him, but I've skipped 2 lessons this week. I may look for a Mommy and Me swim class in the winter that I can get into the pool with him for. Liam does a lot of special things with Matt, but I'd like to find something that he and I do together... beyond every single moment of our lives.

I haven't really felt like I was on top of things these last few weeks. Sylvia wasn't sleeping well for a while and I was just plain exhausted from being up all night with her. Add to that a close friend who needed far more support from me than I was able to give and I've been a little grumpy. Thankfully for me, the weather has a taken a turn for the cooler and with that, Sylvia is sleeping better and my mood has improved. I had to have the dreaded honesty conversation with my friend yesterday and I'm telling you, the perfect weather made it all better. We laughed, hugged and came to an understanding of my friendship needs and enjoyed a cup of coffee while our kids played. I am very odd about my friendships and my time. I have a lot of "friends", but only a few people who I would consider a "kindred spirit". And those people's relationships are very valuable to me, so much so that I make the time to sit down and talk to them and spend time just being with them, not multitasking. A play date for me is a quiet time where I'm stopping to visit, I'm not doing housework at all. In light of that, I can't have my whole week booked because then, come Friday, I'm feeling lousy and like I've wasted the week. So the goal for myself for this Fall is going to be to manage my time a little better, to learn to say no and to protect my attitude. Liam seems to also get frustrated when I keep him hopping between play dates and activities. To tell the truth, I'm glad. I value our time at home, with just the 3 of us and it would be a little bit of a sacrifice for me to be so social.

That being said, I have nothing on the calendar for the next 2 weeks! I'm so excited to have that freedom! It constantly blows me away that as a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and an infant that I can be so busy, but I love to look at those blank days! I want to spend some more time at the Children's Museum and we need to make another library trip to stock up on new books since we've read the ones we have many, many times. I'm pretty sure I have Hot Rod Hamster memorized. Sylvia needs to get back to some regular naps so she sleeps better at night again. She's growing like a weed and at not quite 4 months, she's almost 26 inches long! Liam was 26 inches at 4 months, 1 week but he also weighed almost 4 pounds more than her. She's very long and lithe which would be nice if she were a teenager or a post-partum mom (sigh, I wish I could describe myself as "lithe" these days!), but since she's an itty bitty baby, she's only in the 17th percentile and therefore considered underweight based on her height. I was horrified to hear that. Liam has always been so big that to have this child whose feet can't even handle newborn-sized socks is so strange to me. Both kids' hair is really coming in nicely and I can actually run my fingers through Liam's. This by the way, is not always appreciated. He frequently turns to me and says "Mama. No touch my hairs." He really has space boundaries in place! And with that, Sylvia has woken and I'm off to begin my day! Here's a link to a precious video I managed to capture yesterday afternoon of Liam and Sylvia together... so sweet!

Swimming Lessons!

2011-08-02T21:48:00.000-04:00

My parents insisted that I learn how to swim. I took swimming lessons on a yearly basis for as long as I can remember. I did relays one summer since I had graduated from the last class, but still needed the practice. And then, I learned how to dive. In college, I got my lifeguard certification and filled in from time to time at the campus pool. Swimming, by default, is then a skill that I consider vital. Diving is just cool.

Clearly, he wasn't enthused on Monday.

Anyway, through a series of events, Matt and I decided that Liam needed to take a beginning swimming class at a local pool. To prepare for lessons, I made a point of taking him swimming Sunday night. We had been the week before and Liam didn't really get into it until the end of our visit. Sunday night, I was thrilled that he was jumping in the water enthusiastically. The enthusiasm had completely disappeared by Monday morning, however.

He screamed and cried through the entire lesson. I regretted signing him up. I wished I hadn't gone to a pool where I didn't know anyone in the lessons. I wished I could hop in the pool and snatch him up and go home. We both cried. This morning, I sat him down before we left and explained that we were going back to the pool to try swimming again. And then I prayed with him that he wouldn't be scared and that he'd have fun. He needed some reassurance to get settled and some encouragement every time the instructor took him away from the edge of the pool, but he did so much better today! I was so incredibly proud of him today! We did lots of high fives and cheers and by the end of the class, he wanted to jump in and go "over dere". We still have 8 more classes to go to, so I'm hopeful he'll keep up the fun!

I knew I was tired for a reason...

2011-07-29T23:10:00.000-04:00

I get so annoyed with myself because I feel like I'm always tired. I go to bed at the same time every night, I eat well, I consider exercising, I get plenty of sunshine; you know, all the right choices. I'll admit that I haven't placed a really high priority on a good breakfast, but I try to not drink coffee after 1pm, so I figure it evens out somewhere? Heh. Anyway, somewhere around 4am today, I came up with the brilliant idea to document my day with the kids just to see where our time goes. And now we know:

545 - Sylvia is up and bubbly. I feed her and watch some of the morning news. Same old, same old: the world is collapsing around us. Way to start the morning. We hang out for a while, but she doesn't last as long as she usually does and starts the adorable eye rubbing as the sun starts coming through the clouds.

650 - Sylvia is back asleep and I debate taking a shower and starting chores or laying down for half and hour. Considering that the hubs actually needs to look nice, I graciously crawl back in bed and let him have the hot water first. Generous aren't I?

735 - Gah! I wake up in a cold sweat because I just had a dream I had an unassisted home birth to surprise twins while my husband was stuck in a meeting, the kids were napping and I couldn't get a hold of my midwife. Enough of the laziness, I'm up for the day. My shower is later interrupted by Liam who feels the need to keep opening the curtain so he can show me his trucks. The Boon Frog Pod then falls off the wall while I'm rinsing my hair, cutting my toe.

800 - Waffles and fruit for breakfast! Liam is already begging for his "crans" so we can draw. I talk to a friend and we decide on a play date since it's been a while and the kids haven't played much with each other this summer.

830 - Liam is running laps around the house with a piece of kibble in his hand so that Vito will chase him. Sylvia is sleeping soundly, so I take the opportunity to clean up the kitchen, throw in a load of diapers, make the beds and work on the grocery list. Liam runs across the living room to tackle me, slips on a piece of paper and bonks his chin on a marker at such an odd angle that it actually leaves a mark. He cries and needs 2 kisses before it's ok again. Ironically, it's a red marker.

934 - Sylvia is up again and lying in her crib, giggling to herself. She eats and then Liam and I take turns making faces at her in attempts to get her giggle some more. He tries repeatedly to pick her up and hold her.

10 - Play date!!!! Fun conversation with my mom friend while the kids play. Liam actually does a good job sharing! Proud Mama here! Sylvia falls back asleep around 11 and we head outside to play. Clouds start to roll in as our friends head home and I scramble to clean up.

1145 - Lunch for a very hungry little boy. Just as I bite my sandwich, Sylvia wakes from her nap and wants attention. Since she's not acting too fussy, I wait to leave the kitchen until Liam is completely done with his meal so he's not unattended in a chair. Still paranoid.

1230 - Liam tries to talk me out of a nap. He'd rather climb on my back and hang off my shoulders. It concerns me that at only 2 he's already trying his hand at bargaining.

1245 - Liam has settled down, Sylvia is content, I do a 15 minute workout. Score! Finally completed something for the first time since Sylvia was born!

115 - Sylvia goes down for a nap, I check email, switch laundry over, clean up the kitchen and then decide to try and squeeze in a Pilates workout as a bonus.

155 - Ergh. By the time I got the dvd to play, I only made it through 12 minutes of the segment before Sylvia woke up. Head back in to try and get her back to sleep.

235 - That was a waste. She yawned and yawned but wasn't interested in actually sleeping. She eats again and I figure we can get some reading in while she's so calm and quiet. No dice. Liam is knocking on his door and calling for me as I walk by.

236 - Liam tries to sneak past me with a poopy diaper. When I ask if he's got something to tell me, he stops to think and then launches into a monologue about the thunder that is currently rumbling. When I inform him that he's getting his diaper changed no matter what, he then tries to distract me by asking questions about the rain.

238 - Now that Liam is clean, we decide to play on the floor while it pours and Sylvia kicks Liam in the head. He, of course, takes it personally. There is a great deal of sobbing and "she hurt me" until he suddenly decides he'd like to hold Sylvia again. Turns out, he only wanted her to sit next to him while he let her touch him with her arm. Whatever, they're getting along. At this point, it suddenly occurs to me that I should have been taking photos throughout the day. Shoot.

300 - Sylvia suddenly starts crying her "I'm exhausted and overstimulated" cry so I sit down to rock her. Liam comes over with a tractor and asks me to take off the rubber tires. I explain to him that I'm busy, but if he'll be patient and wait until I lay Sylvia down, I'll do it. He nods, says thank you and walks away. I close my eyes to rest for a moment while I rock and congratulate myself on all that hard work paying off.

308 - It's too quiet. I open my eyes to check on Liam and see him perched proudly on top of the piano. He sees me looking at him and cheerfully says "HI!" and waves. Since Sylvia is sound asleep on my shoulder, I whisper in my sternest voice "Get. Down." He nods his head, looks around himself and says "help". Of course. Sleeping baby in one arm, I haul the toddler down and then offer a snack. "Okay!"

320 - Snack time. I contemplate another cup of coffee.

400 - Liam and I have been wrestling and playing and chasing each other for a while and I need a break. I set him up with a new train track configuration and slip into the bathroom to finish tweezing my eyebrows (started almost a week ago) and comb my hair. Suddenly, he's screaming and I run out. It finally happened. I've been warning and putting him in time out for weeks now for being too rough with Nunzio. She's a sweet dog, but she has her limits and Liam finally crossed it. She nipped his hand enough to scrape the skin off a finger and draw some blood. He's so distraught that this injury requires a few kisses and goldfish crackers before he's off and running again.

455 - Matt's home from work so it's time to pack up the kids and head to the hospital to visit a friend and her new baby. Of course, now that we need to leave the house, Sylvia is sound asleep. Never fails.

530 - New baby cuteness!!!

615 - Quick trip to the grocery and to get gas for tomorrow's trip to Amish Country.

700 - We eat a quick supper of tacos and I sit down to feed Sylvia while Liam plays with his cars, running up my legs, over Sylvia's back (tickling her in the process, causing her to bite me), and down the side of the rocker. Matt comes out of the bathroom waving a pipe and announcing that he's off to the hardware store. Yay?

745 - Sylvia is sleeping (hopefully for the night) and I'm picking up the toothbrushes that Liam climbed up on the bathroom counter to get while I was feeding Sylvia and then threw all over the living room when Matt comes home. He marches into the bathroom and a few minutes later comes to tell me that the shower is working again. Swell! I then get a lecture in indoor plumbing none of which I comprehend.

815 - I'm sneaking a piece of pie when Liam comes running out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and sees me. That's the end of my snack! Oh well, didn't need it anyway. I sit down to fold laundry while Matt finishes Liam's bedtime routine that includes a serious toothbrushing since he ate most of my pie.

900 - Oooh! New Phineas and Ferb episode on tv! I sit down to watch it and Sylvia wakes up. She nurses almost the entire episode before falling asleep (hopefully for the night). I talk to my dad on the phone and then resume folding laundry while Matt and I watch Wipeout. He humors me by looking at quilt patterns for a while before I announce I'm going to finish this post and head to bed while I still can.
1000 - I look back over my day and realize it's been busy, but not too bad. Hence the reason why I'm still coherent. Hopefully the night will be uneventful so I can enjoy our day trip tomorrow!

This is just one day. I should do this more often. Namely so I can look back and laugh at how busy I thought I was with 2 littles as we add children, but also if my children even come to me as young parents wondering where their time goes, I can show them where it went for me. :)

Lately

2011-07-27T13:28:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness. This house is a busy, busy house (and as I type that sentence Sylvia wakes up and I'm done blogging for the moment).

20 minutes later

Ok... where was I? Right. Busy house. Sylvia is such a content baby that it helps the days be slightly less hectic. She has settled herself into a fairly regular daily routine for her feedings so that they are now about 3 hours apart. With Liam, I remember having to really work to stretch him that far apart, unless he had a bottle. I determined that I wouldn't try to fit Sylvia into any sort of a mold since I'm staying home with the kids now full-time and there really isn't a reason to know in advance when she's going to want to eat. Anyway, although there are days when I wish I could figure out how the whole day is going to go, we aren't there yet.

3 hours later

Liam is... well... himself. He's started to speak in more and more sentences... in fact, yesterday he added his own twist to "She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain" with the new line: "she wearin' a shirt an scratchin' her butt". I nearly died. Not sure how much talking in public I'm going to be encouraging after that number! I also signed him up for swimming lessons that will start on Monday morning. He's tentative about new situations and I'd like him to feel confident in the water so we can all have fun together. We had been swimming at a friend's home over the weekend and as soon as we pulled up at the pool to register, he got all excited and could hardly wait to "wim". Needless to say, he was heartbroken when we left.

I have several blogs to post about things that have happened recently and I'm thinking a post about a day in our life would be good to document. However, since both kids are sleeping and I'm not feeling well today for some reason, I'll work on those later and go lay down. Mark it in your calendar, kids. On July 27th, 2011 at 126pm, I made the public statement that I'm exhausted and need a nap. This confession is history.

The "face"

2011-07-20T22:16:00.000-04:00

Liam is really expressive and I'd say that's a fairly, ah, mild description of his personality. I'm going to come right out and say he's gotten it honestly given how Matt and I respond to him. We've both always been chipper with his because of how grumpy he was a baby, and it's become a habit. Liam has become pretty animated as a result and we all think it's kind of cute.

Ornery, ornery, ornery!

He has faces for every situation, but this one... boy howdy. When I see this one and he's being quiet, I know we are in trouble. This face means he's in an extra spicy mood. This face usually comes right before something big happens... like say he dumps my coffee on the floor, he climbs on the dining room table or steals cake from Daddy's plate. Yesterday, I saw this face as he charged me, running across the floor to tackle me. And then, he bit me. Hard. On the side of my neck. Twilight style. I screamed and burst into tears. It hurt so much that I was really caught off guard. I'm pretty sure that my reaction then scared him. He started crying too and trying to hug me.

Liam hasn't bit me since he was teething and testing out his new incisors on everything in sight. We've come to an agreement that it's not to happen again. Today, he was just as spicy as ever, but no teeth were involved. This morning, I laid Sylvia down on the floor to practice her push-ups and gave her an assortment of vehicles to look at. Liam came over to check out the goings on and decided that she had the wrong toys. He was so sweet to her, bringing over an assortment of cars and telling her what their names were and that they go fast: "nerome". She's now reaching for things that interest her and it was humorous watching them interact. Liam brought toys over, announcing that he was sharing until she reached for one and then he'd snatch it away and tell her it was his alone. He's so sweet with her, and as long as I keep an eye on his facial expression, I'm certain there won't be any mischief!

2011 Summer Library program

2011-07-19T16:26:00.000-04:00

Well, we did it! The reading wasn't the concern, it was the making of time to get both kids, our 30 pound piles of books and myself into the second floor children's department for 5 weekly visits. I tried once, but totally wimped out. Liam is 2 and he acts like it at the most inopportune times; namely when I'm trying to load all of us and our books into the elevator and a line of people waiting to check out their books is watching the mayhem. Considering this and the stress I really didn't want to have on a weekly basis, I decided to make our visits on the weekend when Matt could go along, therefore making the library visits a family affair that I'm hoping I can convince Matt to continue with on a regular basis.

Part of what I love about the library is that I get to read any book I see that piques my interest. Throughout the summer, I requested a number of books that I read as a child, ones that were recommended and some that caught my eye. We had some distinct favorites and those were the ones that we renewed over and over. I've been renewing one such book every since our first visit in June and I knew my lease on that one was coming to an end. Matt and I talked about how we want our kids to love books as much as they do now forever. At the conclusion of the library program, the kids are able to pick out their own book from the selection set aside as prizes by the library. This is wonderful, but I realized as I was sifting through the selections that were there last year as well, that I didn't want to give up the books we'd loved all summer. So we decided that the favorite books of the summer will have to become part of our own collection.

I had picked up Chick and Pug on a whim that first visit and it quickly became Liam's favorite, even above Uncle Chuck's Truck and Tractor Day (which Matt hated). As a matter of fact, since it was also beating out Hot Rod Hamster and On Meadowview Street (although Sylvia and I liked it a lot!), I thought I'd see what else that author had written. I had to have Sylvie brought in from another branch, but it was worth the wait! And although, we've read Everyone Poops, If you Give a Pig a Party, In the Small, Small Pond and If I were a Jungle Animal roughly 47 times apiece, I decided that Jennifer Sattler's work was the summer winner. I was really excited when Chick and Pug and Sylvie showed up on our doorstep this morning!

The summer reading program is over for us, but I'm loving the opportunities the program gave us. Since Liam wouldn't ride the elevator (I brought the stroller to haul the books in and generally carried Sylvia... trust me, people stared.), we counted the stairs as we walked up and down them. We read so many new books and I got to make quick trips to the adult section for books to pile on my nightstand every week. I am so happy that I myself, managed to read 7 books this summer, mainly during stolen moments when I should have been sleeping, but moments I'll always have... just like when I was a little girl, staying up to read my library books by the light of the fading summer sun.

Sylvia turns 3 months!

2011-07-15T21:46:00.000-04:00

My early bird!

Today, she giggled at me for the first time and it was wonderful. I just love her sweet little smile to begin with, but the giggle was the icing on the cake. Sylvia is much more social than Liam ever was/is/will be. While he enjoyed being left alone to his own thoughts and fist wiggling, she likes to be with someone. She's always trying to talk to us and yesterday when we went to the hospital to visit a new baby, she actively tried to get the new grandma's attention by making eye contact and cooing at her. At this point, she's also seeming to enjoy our reading times. If I'm doing a picture book, we both lay on our bellies and she gets to look at the pictures while I read and if I'm reading from Winne the Pooh (I've never read the whole collection myself, so it's win-win), she sits on my lap and we rock.

I know... the glasses are bigger than her face... but I couldn't resist!

Physically, she's really growing. Newborn clothes are long gone and some of the 0-3 month onesies are starting to feel snug. I still have her in the small BG dipes, but she can wear a medium gDiaper as long as I make sure the legs are fitted well against her skin. On July 1st, she rolled from her belly to her back for the first time. She's done it several times since then, but no one has managed to catch her in the act! She's sneaky like that. She also wiggles all over the crib, floor, changing table and couch. I have to keep a close eye on her now because frequently, she is no longer where I left her. Last Friday, she rubbed her eyes for the first time when she was getting tired and since then, she's done it a few more times in my arms. She's totally crazy about her little hands. As I type, she's holding her hands in front of her face and inspecting them, much like Liam used to. She is however, a big finger sucker, unlike him. Several times, she's put herself back to sleep when she wakes up during her nap and a few times I've had to set her down so I could deal with Liam or supper or something and have come back to find her sounds asleep, fingers plugged in.

Isn't she sweet?

Sleeping is something Sylvia and Liam are different about as well. He sleeps, she doesn't. Well... just not as much. By this point in Liam's life, he was sleeping from 1030 or so until I woke him in the morning. Sylvia is up anywhere from 2-5 times between 830 and 630 the next morning. Needless to say, I'm much less energetic than I was with him. However, because she doesn't cry constantly like he did, I'm not depressed. In light of that, I guess it's better to be dead tired all the time. She is a wonderful eater. She curls up on my lap and nurses very quickly before she's through. And when she's full, she looks up at me and smiles. I love this because I know she's full when I see the smile!

I'm 3 months old now!

Sylvia adores Liam. He comes over to her often to "hold" her and kiss her and help me burp her. Recently, he's also started to "read" to her in the mornings which I find adorable. It's helped that she's so much more social these days, I'm sure.

Trip to Alum Creek

This month, she got her toes painted for the first time, we went to the beach as a family and attended several cookouts. This weekend we're making our first visit to my grandmother's house as a family since she was born to celebrate the July birthdays and we'll be finishing our Summer Reading Program up with the library. Sylvia has done a lot more things than Liam did at this age simply because she has to go where we go. I haven't put her in the church nursery yet. Right now, it works out that almost as soon as we show up, she decides she's hungry so we hang out in the ladies room with another nursing mother and her baby for the service. She eats, naps and we chat and listen to the sermon.

Little sister bonus: trying out big brother's new toys!

I'm really enjoying looking back on Liam's development and watching the similarities and differences even now, as early as it is. They have such different personalities and yet the same home and parents. I love watching Sylvia's little face light up when she sees Liam or Daddy or I and I'm so grateful we get to be a little family!

30

2011-07-13T20:32:00.000-04:00

It's coming. The birthday. You know, the one we all dread in our 20s. No one wants to turn 30 for fear that we won't have conquered life. I've never cared about it until about a month ago. It's not that there isn't an "M.D." after my name. It's not that I don't have 6 children as I had thought I would for sure. It's also not that I'm far above my wedding weight... well, okay, that's some of it. It's that suddenly with this silly milestone closing in on me, I'm feeling clostrophobic and disorganized. I'm displeased that in the last 5 years, I've lived in 2 homes and neither one has had a room that was actually "finished".

I have goals and dreams for my spare time. I have wanted to learn how to quilt for years... I'm doing it this year. I want to work on my Culinary skills. I'd really like to have Liam diaper-free sooner rather than later. I'd like to get a regular workout into my routine. I have projects to do around the house husband-free so I can say that I can do things by myself.

So it's coming. And I'm cleaning. And cleaning and cleaning. I won't live a life that's cluttered, whether I'm 30 or 90. With that said, I'm hoping to get through the clutter and the disorder that still reigns in the basement since we moved in time for a garage sale next weekend. It's slow going since the weather is amazing right now and Liam and I are living outside throughout the day. He loves to rotate between the sandbox, the water table and the chalk. He also discovered a patch of dirt and runs off there every chance he can. Needless to say, I do a lot of laundry these days. Sylvia is content enough to spend the time with us kicking her little feet, sucking on her fingers and cooing to anyone who catches her eye. My days are so beautiful and fulfilling, my nights are energizing as I am realizing my personal goals.

With that, I'm off to dive into a closet that has been a dumping ground for months. Out damned spot!

Two

2011-07-10T22:01:00.000-04:00

Well, he's 2 now. Friday was a rough day for me. I wanted it to be a fun, exciting day for him and I think it really was, but for me it was a hard, hard day. I can't say why I was so sad. I've loved this year so much. In these past months, he learned to walk, to talk, to run, to climb, and to make me laugh harder than any other person to date.

His birthday was fun for Matt and I because this year he loved getting presents and I was so proud that he thanked each person I told him gave him a gift with a bright "Ank Uo!" However, it should be remembered forever that since I bribed him back into the house to open the presents with the promise of cake, he'd open each gift and then ask "Where de cake go?" He watched me make cake, ice the cake and then saw it chilling in the fridge... he knew what he wanted.

I've loved watching Liam turn into such a little man this year. He's really developed his own personality and interests; quite independently of what Matt and I have tried to influence him with. He's learned the letters he cares about and the begins counting with the number 2. He knows the basic shapes and a few colors. This past month, he also finally learned the difference between the chin and neck. Another finally, the difference between hot and cold with concepts other than water temperature.

I'm really looking forward what this year will bring. Already, I've gotten to watch him bond with his little sister and claim her as his own when other children are around. I've loving watching him develop relationships with our family and friends. This year, I'm hoping to help him develop more physical skills. He's learning to jump and I'd like to teach him to tumble and peddle his trike. I've decided to start doing mini unit studies in conjunction with our weekly library trips to keep him learning new things. Since he loves to draw these days, I'm anxious to watch his lines start to actually form recognizeable things so I don't have to keep labeling the difference between a truck and a plane, both of which are a series of scribbly lines. I just love my little boy so much and am so honored to get to be his mother!

Home

2011-07-07T14:37:00.000-04:00

I suppose that all mothers wax nostalgic prior to birthdays. Remembering those early, painful days of crying and endless nights of screaming (What? That's what our days were like!) Lately, I've been thinking back to those days even before I had Liam. Those days I was planning our birth. All the times I went through the bassinet to make sure I had everything we'd need. All the birth stories I read over and over trying to envision what mine would be like. I've been thinking about his birth and since Sylvia's birth is still so fresh in my mind (and my home, I just finally got all the birthing supplies packed back up and stored for the next time), I've ended up comparing the two experiences.

Liam's labor showed his stubbornness as he fought the contractions that were forcing him to leave his warm, cozy home for the outside world. Honestly, if my water hadn't broken, he'd have probably stayed in there until he was good and ready no matter how miserable I was! 40 jalapenos for nothing!!! His labor felt like it was dragging on and on while I was in it just because of the way contractions were. While I was hopeful that it would be a speedy delivery, I knew it wasn't even though I had no idea what time it was. On the other hand, Sylvia, who also took her sweet time arriving, suddenly decided she was ready to rock and roll and labor kicked in a totally different manner than Liam's had. As she blasted through the contractions I was certain she would be my last child. At one point, I mentioned that a c-section would be sooo much easier. After she was born and I was busy counting toes and thanking God she had hair, my midwife asked me if I was serious about a c-section. I looked up at her and asked what she was talking about? After I had transitioned with Sylvia, I was blessed with an hour of contractions that were almost non-existent. Of course, this was just after my great declaration and a blessing that I still am so grateful for. It was during that hour that I started to remember what I thought my births would be like as a day dreaming little girl.

I looked at the midwife and told her that I've always known I'd have my babies at home, I just don't always give myself enough credit that I can. As a little girl, I was quite focused on the lives of the pioneers and the Amish. Don't ask why, I don't know. But my Barbies were never in fashion shows, they were traveling the Oregon Trail and 9 months pregnant. My dolls always delivered either alone or with the help of another pioneer woman who eased her through transistion while boiling water over a campfire. During that blissful time of peace during Sylvia's labor, I suddenly remembered old day dreams I had about life. I remembered envisioning myself in a dark gable bedroom with my husband and a midwife delivering our baby.

In these last 11 weeks, I've realized that I've always planned to have homebirths, whether I realized it or not. I can't say that I ever thought about people visiting me in the hospital or riding out to my car in a wheelchair while my baby hung out in the infant seat on my lap. I always envisioned myself with my baby in our home, usually in an overstuffed arm chair and just being. (Come to think of it, I should get one of those chairs for my bedroom. Add in an ottoman and it would be the perfect place to sleep with a newborn during those early morning hours!) That being said, this family has become a homebirthing family without much struggle; it's just been a natural step at the end of our pregnancy with both children.

Homebirth wasn't a choice that was made because I was trying to be a hero or show how strong I am. In fact, my irrational fear of needles prompted me to somehow convince Matt that not leaving my home was a safe, responsible choice before we even got pregnant. I don't think I can ever tell him how grateful I am that he was willing to be a part of the choice to stay home. While labor is exactly that, work, I love having my babies at home. I love how secure I feel, here where we belong. I like the fact that if I want to enjoy my newborn in the comfort of my bedroom or the openness of the living room, I can. I know our choice isn't a choice everyone else makes, much less approves of, but it's truly such a pleasure to be able to have the choice itself. As I get ready to celebrate the anniversary of our first birth, I'm both grateful and hopeful. Grateful that we've been so blessed and hopeful we continue to be so.

Sylvia: 2 month milestones

2011-06-20T21:56:00.000-04:00

I can't get over how time is passing so quickly. This morning, I glanced at the clock and realized I'd been up for 4 hours already. How does this happen? I can remember sitting in classes wishing away the time or being at work and wondering when it would be time to clock out. These days, I wish my hours would somehow stretch out longer so I could eek out just a little more life from them.

Sylvia is no longer a sleepy little newborn. She's alert and bright-eyed most of the time. She's been stretching the time in between nursings a little bit every day. She eats and when she's done, she smiles up at me and coos. She'll stay up a while and then start to fuss when she's ready to lay down again. The beauty of me being the sole care giver for her is that I know before the fussing is even going to start. We have lovely little rocking sessions and she heads off to sleep. I had thought that by this time I'd be working more toward helping her learn to soothe herself to sleep, but... I love to snuggle with her and it literally takes just minutes to get her to sleep so it's not like I'm spending my whole day in the rocker. Liam doesn't seem to mind too much since I'm done so quickly and then back out to play with him.

She's holding her head up really well and makes wonderful eye contact. I see her really making effort to communicate and connect with people. She doesn't seem to mind spending time by herself propped up in the Boppy or hanging out on the floor, but she does like to have someone talk to her. She sits on the table in the bouncer while we eat and I try to "include" her in the conversation. Sylvia is a very smiley, easy going baby. She coos every chance she gets and it almost makes me wonder if she's going to be an early talker like Liam. She'll have to be if she expects to keep up with him! She's also showing signs of developing a giggle. I'm SO anxious for this moment to come. Since it took so long for Liam to laugh and he still doesn't do it often, I'm really hoping that Sylvia will be a joyful little one.

She discovered her hands this month. While nursing, she likes to hold my finger, just like Liam did! She grabs the front of her dresses and stuffs them into her mouth. She'll hold her fist up in front of her face and go cross-eyed studying it. She's actually pulling her hands to her mouth to suck on her fingers when she wakes up from naps or night sleep. Any more, I can tell she's awake over the monitor by the sound of her nomming away on those tiny little fingers and get to slip in and greet her with smiles instead of running in when she starts to cry.

I am so in love with this little girl it makes me cry some days. I can't get enough of her and my relationship is so easy. Nursing is a blessing this time around. Her latch is still rather shallow so it's painful more often than not, but it's so easy. She's pleasant most of the day unless she's poopy or tired or hungry. She smiles at Liam when he stand still long enough for her to really take him in. Her little face lights up when she sees me after naps and those chubby cheeks just beg for a kiss! I adore each moment of her life and it pains me that I wasn't this happy with Liam. I almost hate to write of how in love I am, because I didn't have the same feelings about Liam. I wanted this sweet connection, but didn't get it until her was months old. Sylvia came out connected to me on such a deep, spiritual, emotional level.

In a few short weeks, she'll be 3 whole months old and the "4th trimester" will officially be over. Time is slipping away and I'm desperate to make sure I capture each moment. Sylvia, I apologize in advance for taking dozens of photos of you a day. I just don't want anything to escape my memory.

Wordless Wednesday: Adjustments

2011-06-15T09:27:00.001-04:00

We're still adjusting, but things in our house are getting happier and happier!

It's my goal this summer to get back to my writing (in general) and blog posting since I've kind of let things go in the last few months. Along with this decision, I thought it would be the right time to start doing more with the fun things that happen in the blog communities like link ups and carnivals. This post, for instance, is linked to Hobo Mama's Wordless Wednesday. Nothing like having a hobby you love, right?

Twinkling Stars and Summer Dreams

2011-06-09T19:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, I watched the last school bus pass our house for the next several weeks. The temperature topped out at 96 degrees and the 3 of us were miserable from the heat. When Matt got home, we ate supper (which I was thrilled I had already made and frozen)and then began work on the basement. We've been in this house for almost a year and the basement still looks nearly as bad as the day we moved in. It's depressing. I had hoped that we'd be further along in the updating process, but we decided to not go into debt over this, so it goes very slowly. We've begun the lofty task of sorting, organizing and cleaning the entire basement starting with the storage area which also houses Matt's workbench and my laundry area. Something about cleaning makes me very crafty and as I worked, I thought of several projects I could do.

After the kids were in bed, I started looking around the internet through all my craft blogs to see if I could find any inspiration/direction. And did I! I started a project to decorate the mantel for summer and I found a cute idea for a summer wish list. Being the type of person who lives by lists and outlines, I could hardly wait to get started! What began as a tiny idea, morphed into a project that I think will be a yearly project for the kids to do and then use as keepsakes.

I had purchased a bundle of 12x12 chipboard a few months ago so I could make tags for Sylvia's closet to organize the clothes. Even though I've made a few more sets to give as gifts, I've still only used a few of the sheets, so I decided to use that as the backing for the project. I cut 2 2-in strips of 12 inch scrapbooking paper that had a summery pattern on it and attached a strip to the top and one to the bottom of the chipboard. I then took a tiny hole punch from my scrapbooking stash and punched holes all over the top and bottom of the board so I could thread some yellow craft string, just for some added interest. I used complimentary paper to punch out 2 1/2 inch circles to write our list on and then dug out a few pieces of the chipboard I had punched out to make the closet organizers and saved. So nothing new and nothing wasted!

The list of the things for the summer is really things we've done together since Matt and I were dating. Every year we've gone and picnicked in Mohican or visited the zoo or went to the county fair. This year I added fun things like:

Visiting the new babies that are due soon

Trying finger painting for the first time

Jumping in puddles

Catching lightening bugs

Watching planes take off

As I was working on this project, I was inspired to do this on a yearly basis and save the list. This year, I'm the one who put all the ideas on the list, but next year Liam will for sure want to participate in the thoughts. And then, maybe the next year, he'll want to make his own. It will be so much fun to look back at these projects in years to come and remember those summers and the special times we had together as a family.

1 year, 11 month milestones

2011-06-08T05:21:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that this is the last monthly milestones post I'll be doing for Liam. From now on, I'll just celebrate things as they happen, rather than waiting until the 8th to mention them. Looking back over the last 2 years, it's been so much fun to read these posts and watch the changes in Liam. And in me.

Liam is all boy and has spent this month developing those gross motor skills. He falls down a lot less as he's running around and has gotten more confident about going up and down stairs without handrails. He would love to live outside all day long. I know that opening the door means at least 2 outfit changes and corresponding tantrums when I announce it's time to go inside. He loves the sandbox and the water table the most, but he also likes to ride his little tractor and we're working on learning to pedal his trike. He frequently jumps on the couch or the bed (despite being told not to) and has started to translate that to a solid surface. He will announce that he's jumping and then proceed to do his own version of a hop. As I've already mentioned, he's really into climbing right now. Tables, chairs, beds, rocks, whatever. If it's solid, it's meant to be scaled.

Obviously, Liam is a talker. He communicates very well and has an extremely extensive vocabulary for someone his age, particularly a boy. Even with that skill, he still gets frustrated when I don't understand what it is that he's trying to tell me. Finally, this month, I've gotten him to slow down and repeat himself if I didn't understand what he wanted or I simply didn't hear it. And he's also asking for help when he can't do something. As spicy as this child is, he gets frustrated when he can't get a train track to link up right, or the marker cap off or the drill bit in the drill. For months, he's screamed in anger and frustration when this happened, but we're finally making progress toward him asking me to help him when he needs it rather than letting it get out of control. He's really into saying prayers before bed and has reminded me a few times at the lunch table to pray. He prays nightly for PaPa and Gigi. The rest of us only get periodic mentions.

As we all know, he's really into the vehicles. He can identify several types of contruction vehicles and has recently started to look up to the sky when he hears planes. I'm planning a trip to the local airport at some point this summer so he can watch them take off. Should be fun! He's also totally obsessed with coloring and "drawing". I love it. He lays on his belly and colors with the Color Wonder books and markers I got him. Initially, I let him use regular crayons and it really did got well, but because I can't always sit with him to make sure he stays on the paper and not my carpet, I caved and bought the CW stuffs. It has actually been a lifesaver in the last 2 months since he uses them while I feed Sylvia and he is content to entertain himself in the afternoons when he's usually more interested in my attention and she is more needy as well. So everyone is generally happy with this outcome. Also, he really likes an alphabet toy I got at a garage sale. I had wanted to get him one and had it on his birthday list, but when I saw it for 3 dollars instead of 30, well! Each letter has a jingle and he loves to swap out the letters and waits for me to sing the jingle. From this toy, he's back into wanting the Alphabet song sung to him and he tries to sing along. Pretty much he only says "a" and "e" and stops singing when we get to the letter "j" and just wants you to finish it, but he's learning little by little. I had also purchased another toy that's like a giant Blackberry in an attempt to get him to leave mine alone. Of course, when it arrived, he didn't care. Now, he'll spend a good 15 minutes pressing letter keys and pouring over the buttons, proudly chiming in to tell me what "d" is for. Because of all this, he now wants to watch Word World and tries to tell me what letters they are using. For the most part, he identifies Q, R, W, O, B and A with a fair amount of consistent accuracy.

This month he also experienced his first major injury. It was awful and I really do think it will make a lasting impression on him. He hasn't pushed his chair away from the table since it happened and if you bump his head he grabs at it and cries that "it hurts". He's been a lot more sensitive toward any percieved injury and now insists on kisses. Happily, he's getting more hair to cover up the scar that will most likely be there once the thick scab falls off. Sadly, he's so filthy at the end of the day that we have to wash his hair almost nightly. This is a horrible experience as he screams the entire time. Last night, I tried to get his hair wet and rinsed using a pirate squirt toy and it was marginally successful. Anything to keep him from screaming.

This summer is going to be one full of new experiences as we joined the Children's Museum, are planning to visit the Zoos around the state, go to a few "beaches", try out the Splash park in Ashland, hike in Mohican, attempt horseback riding again and perfect the art of an impromptu picnic. This age is really fun and exciting for us as parents because he's so alert and active and expressive. Everything is amazing to him and he just loves life. Of course, this age is also really hard because he's so interested in life and not always willing to do things the way we need to do them as a family. However, as I'm typing this, I'm also watching last night's episode of the Duggars and I'm relieved to note that even their little ones as perfect as they are act up and are hard to control from time to time. We're normal!

My girl

2011-06-06T14:24:00.000-04:00

I wasn't ever one of those girls who "had to have" a girl. I figure that even though I'm fussy and tidy and nervous by nature, I'm much better suited for boys. I'll be the first to tell you that when we found out Liam was a boy, I wanted to shout from the rooftops my excitement (little Cars reference there for you). I have loved every moment of his little truck-loving life. Even thought his tantrums are serious business, he just smothers me with his love the rest of the time. And I really enjoy the fact that since he's a boy, he's expected to be busy and dirty and that has been better therapy for my nerves than even the most talented counselor could provide.

The day I took Sylvia's pregnancy test, I knew she was a girl. And I knew I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted a baby before. Waiting that last week about killed me as I was just so anxious to meet her and hold her and tell her that she's my little girl. She made her appearance much the way I live my life, with intensity and determination. I was a little nervous that she and I would be too similar in personality like Liam and I are, but so far, it's not the case.

This sweet little darling just snuggles and loves. She coos and smiles. She curls up on my chest and allows me to rock her to sleep. She loves to hold my hand. And she loves me. She seems to like everyone else, but this tiny little baby wants me for something other than the all you can eat buffet. On the rare chance that I sing, she lifts her head from my shoulder and coos along.

I just cannot get enough of her. I want to change her little outfit 20 times a day. I want to stare at her sweet face for hours. I crave those little moments when she and I get to spend time alone and talk to each other. I prayed and prayed for the chance to have a little one who I could just be with. She and I sit together in the early morning and I feel such peace. With Liam, I feel love and energy and spice. With Sylvia, I feel peace and gentleness and rest. Together we are such a complete little Mama and babies. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Summer fun at the Park

2011-06-05T14:42:00.014-04:00

We've recently discovered the joy of the park. I am starting to purposely arrange for play dates to be held at parks since I want to encourage Liam to still climb and play and be a little kid enough though I'm still terrified that we'll wind up in the ER again sometime soon. He is completely in love with being able to climb all over the play scapes at his little heart's desire. Every now and then, I can talk him into going down a slide, but he'd really rather climb and run all over those things. I'm going to tell you that while I am amazed by what today's playgrounds are in comparison to what I know I ran around on as a child, I'm terrified of how far off the ground they are.

This, by the way, is the best way to eat PB&J

Growing up, the highest piece of equipment on the playgrounds I visited was the monkey bars. If you wanted to climb, you had to find a tree. There were swings that we did underdoggies (remember those?!) and pumped our little legs as hard as we could so we could get as high as possible and jump off. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I jumped off a swing or climbed much higher than the middle of the tree. I am terrified, terrified of heights. As in, I can't even think about being up high without getting ill. I don't want my children to have fears of things like this, so I try to keep it under control and let them discover life on their own.

When we're lucky, nap times happen in the sun

Today, I wanted to go to Mohican and wade in the river. However in the middle of the night, I was up feeding Sylvia and realized that the flashes of light were lightening and it was storming again. After that realization came the thought that I had been told that the canoe companies weren't letting anyone go out because the river was too high. Not the best time to introduce river wading to a toddler. So we headed to the park for the 3rd time in a week with a picnic lunch. We coated Liam in sunscreen and let him run. The sun was high and hot, but it was a perfect day.

I'm trying to talk Liam into leaving the park because we're all roasting to death by dangling the option of getting ice cream in front of him. It didn't work.

Another bonus to spending so much time at the park is that while I'm working on my fears, Liam is wearing himself out. Like 3 hour nap worn out. Of course, so is Daddy. They're both snoozing away after our fun in the sun. Liam was so sweaty that we had to change his clothes before he laid down. Although, as I type this, I'm realizing that I totally neglected to wipe him off before putting him to bed. Which means the sheets will need to be changed again. There's nothing like sleeping in a bed full of sand, mulch and sweat, right?

Jekyll? Hyde?

2011-06-03T18:35:00.000-04:00

Regardless of who it is that he's emulating, it's clear there's a toddler with an iron will in this house. This week, I either purchased or borrowed 5 books on parenting. I feel like my attempts to guide the fits and tantrums aren't quite cutting it. I'm not sure what the answer is, but recently, he's started to laugh at me when I tell him a behavior/action isn't acceptable. We had about one good week with bedtimes, but then it got bad again. I took all the toys out of his room and I'll say that I was surprised how many toys have found their way into his closet in the last few months! Then, I took out the nightlight. I spent 2 nights sitting on the floor outside his room and every time I heard him get out of bed, I went in and put him back in. And then, I decided that he no longer gets to sleep in. The only real reason why I'd been letting him sleep until 9 or later was because it was convenient for me. I'd have Sylvia back down for a nap before he'd wake up for the morning and then by the time he was dressed, fed and settled with his own activity, she was ready to eat again. However, because we play outside most of the morning, he's tired when it comes time for a nap and has been napping for 2 hours or more on a daily basis. He was rested enough from that nap to run the rest of the afternoon and want to stay up until 10 or so. Either Matt or I have been going in and waking him at 8 these last couple of mornings and while he still fights bedtime, at least I'm not camping out in the hall.

Angry Toddler

The dreaded time-out chair. We all hate it.

He's also entered the stage of uber-picky eater. This I hate. I hate it more than his tantrums and the rough bedtimes. He wants to eat almost nothing and yet requests a 'nack all day long. I can't tell you how many nights he's gone to bed after refusing supper. As a result, I'm becoming one of those mothers I looked down from my high horse on. Cheese gets cut into fun shapes. I call smoothies and frozen yogurt "ice cream" to pique his interest. I puree vegetables and hide them in things like cookies. However, he is more willing to drink water these days which I consider a blessing since he wants to spend all day out in the sun. He insists on his tiny Sigg being "code" like Mama's. The only other thing he will drink is milk even though I've finally started to offer him juice. I won't lie. I'm glad he won't drink it. We still let him taste whatever he wants from our cups and so far, nothing other than a millisecond's interest in Mountain Dew from Daddy, has passed the taste test.

At the same time as all this toddler angst, he's really starting to hit developmental milestones. He tries to sing the alphabet song, which is so funny to me because all he really says is "a" and "e" over and over, but he still sings. He also likes to sing the song from Cars when they are leaving the race and hitting the road to California. All he sings from that is "all night long" over and over, but it's on pitch and at the right timing in the song. He's talking in more sentences and using more and more words. I have given up trying to record them now. Today he was willing to climb up to the highest point on the playscape at the park, but he's a total mess if he gets hurt. He's terrified to lean back and get his hair washed and if he thinks he's hurt in any way, he totally melts down and has to be reassured that he's ok and no one is going to touch him. I guess the chair tipping from 2 weeks ago is pretty high on his to-don't list. He loves coloring and "drawing" and so we've finally gotten into the crayons, markers and chalk. It's a great chance to practice our color identification and I love it when he gets the colors right!

In the meantime, sweet, precious little Sylvia hangs out at watches whats going on around her. She is really starting to smile now and coos throughout the day when I talk to her. And sometimes, when I'm humming while I rock her before bed, she coos along. She spends a lot of time outside since Liam would like to live on the patio for the rest of his life. There was little interest in the pool, though. Odd considering she loves bath time and I had let the water warm up for 2 days before I put her in. Still, she screamed for the whole 3 minutes she was in. She's started to really sleep well at night and all last week, I only really had to get up once. She starts her day fairly early, so we've been watching the news while the coffee percolates. It's ironic to me that now, when I really don't have the time to keep up with the outside world, I know more about the stock market and world news than I have since college!

I'm pretty sure Liam wanted to tell her to get over it and learn to like the pool, because Mama's going to keep putting her in there until she does.

Sylvia is the blessing we need right now. While Liam fights me tooth and nail every chance he gets, she only cries or fusses if she actually needs something. After all Liam's drama those first few months, I keep wondering to myself when the bottom will fall out and she'll be the baby I know how to handle. Her precious little smiles just light up my day. Honestly, I could spend hours cooing back at her and teasing little grins out of her, but I don't want to make Liam any more jealous than he is. So, I make Sylvia "walk" over to Liam and kiss him. Or I purposely sit next to him with her. She's already been in the sand box just so they could hang out. Liam still avoids her like the plague, but if he thinks I've spent too much time nursing, he'll start to hit me. When I can, I've been taking her to her room to nurse so we can spend alone time.

Taken just after a rumble of thunder, the shock on her face makes me laugh!

On the whole, the 2 kids thing isn't too bad. As long as I stay on top of things, it doesn't get too stressful. I have to be mindful of Liam's mood/attitude if I want to go do anything, though. Sylvia is also violently opposed to the car seat, so if we go anywhere, I need to make sure I can carry her. There's a sling or carrier in the car and one on the back porch so she doesn't have to spend much, if any time in the stroller. I haven't mastered grocery shopping yet. I have a sinking feeling it's going to have to become something that I do at night for now. I got an email today telling me that all my summer tutoring sessions are through until August. I'm sort of happy. While I really like to get that deposit every 2 weeks, it will be nice to no longer have to try and explain Algebra while nursing. And we can get into a real bedtime routine that doesn't get thrown for a loop one day a week. Maybe then, Matt and I can start talking to one another again. It's a good thing we really do like each other because right now, we just don't get much in the line of quality time. This is such a short season, but considering that our nights aren't as awful as they once were, it seems strange to be so tired at the end of the day.

2011-05-24T03:23:00.003-04:00

When I was in college, I worked in a nursing home every break from school for 4 years. I loved my job, the people and the experiences I had. So much so, I almost considering going into geriatric medicine. Of all the experiences I had, there are several that really stand out in my mind, one of which being the day a resident flipped his wheelchair. Charlie was a fall hazard so he was in a special wheelchair and he was also belted into that wheel chair. In theory, he was safe. However, he got himself tangled up in his room and flipped the chair over, gashing the back of his head on the corner of the dresser. The medical director was paged to come and close the wound. Charlie was very old and not so much coherent 100% of the time. In fact, the gaping wound on his head didn't seem to bother him in the least. I will never forget, though, when the director marched in, took one look at Charlie's head, whipped out a 3M staple gun and punched a few staples straight into Charlie's scalp without so much as a warning, let alone anesthetic. When I worked at the lab, I was again in a position where I dealt with medical staples, only this time, I was also removing them. Both experiences have taught me that staples are a quick and effective way to close a wound, but a very unpleasant method for the wounded.

Sunday, we had the family over for Sylvia's dedication at church. The day started out smoothly, but things unraveled rather quickly when I realized that Matt and I hadn't been on the same page as we had been communicating what still needed to be prepared for our little celebratory cookout following the service. Things were a little hectic, but we had managed to get burgers and hot dogs grilled for lunch and the kids had gotten some really good play time in before we settled in to eat. Everyone was hungry, we all filled our plates and took to our respective places. Sylvia was sleeping at the time, and I ran outside to eat my food in peace and quiet, leaving Matt to supervise Liam with his plate of food that I had carefully chosen, thinking he'd be interested in eating. I'm a fool. The kids were all sitting at the table with Liam and Matt and 2 of the cousins scarfed their food down and headed back outdoors. When they got up, Matt was in the act of telling another cousin that the prank they wanted to play wasn't a good idea and so no one was looking at Liam, who wanting to join everyone outside, tried to follow. With a mouth full of grapes, he shoved his chair back from the table and somehow, managed to flip it over backwards and hit his head on the bookcase that we keep all the cookbooks and things on. I heard the crash all the way outside and ran into the house.

By the time I got there, Liam had started to scream and Matt was holding him with a horrified look on his face. I grabbed a towel to try and stop the bleeding, but when I looked at Liam's head, I knew that this was a definate ER trip. No amount of butterfly bandages were going to fix this one. I looked at Matt and said, "We gotta go, NOW". He then passed Liam off to me and left to get the car. By this time, everyone had started to crowd into the kitchen. And of course, as with any case of a wound, they all tried to reassure me that "head wounds bleed alot". No kidding. I will admit to feeling smug when each of the persons who came to tell me to calm down saw Liam's head and realized that I wasn't over reacting. To be safe (and to prove I wasn't insane), we called our neighbor across the street who is a NP and had her take a look. She told us to head to the Shelby ER instead of the one in town because we'd get better service. We left the house full of people and I totally forgot about my sleeping infant who we were supposed to be celebrating.

We piled into the car, Matt sitting in the back because Liam wouldn't let go of him. He was screaming and very upset that we were trying to put ice on his head in addition to the towels. Before we left, I made a dash back to his room and grabbed his lovie, George and a truck. He sat in the car, rubbing the satin side of the lovie on his face and cried and cried. Matt and I tried to keep the conversation light and cracked jokes the whole way to the hospital. I don't know about Matt, but keeping calm and cheery in front of Liam was a huge effort. I wanted to scream and cry because my poor little boy was hurt and clearly in pain. But that wouldn't really help anything. Once we got into Shelby, I was following signs to the hospital when the traffic in front of us came to a complete stop. I thought that the runners were maybe taking part in track practice and for the first 30 seconds that we were stopped, I was ok with it. I don't know how long we actually sat there, but as runner after runner staggered through the intersection, I realized that they were getting younger and younger. This wasn't a track practice, but more like a family event (most likely to raise money for something) and we were now waiting for the moms with the strollers and the toddlers on the tricycles to get through. I am not proud of how I acted during those moments. Not in the least.

Once we got through that, we were then presented with the challenge of a detour on the road that led to the hospital. Never having had been to Shelby before, I once again said a few unkind things about the residents of that city and drove around until we finally saw the hospital sign. The only other person that I saw in the ER while we were there was a man who kept talking about poison ivy. It was either a really slow day, or we were fortunate enough to land in the least busy ER in the county on a Sunday afternoon. Nurses descended on us and took vitals, information and yelled to be head above Liam's piercing screams. He had been nearly calm by the time we got to the ER, but when he saw all those people coming at him with the intent to touch him, he completely lost it again. I had no idea what his social security number was and had to call home to ask Matt's mom to root through our files to find it. Liam sat in Matt's lap, sobbing and clinging to George, the lovie and his truck. Coupled with the blood crusted on his face, the snot running from his nose, tears streaked everywhere, he was a sad, sad sight.

When the doctor came in, he took one look and announced that he would staple it "right up" and we could be on our merry way. I felt sick. As I mentioned before, I know how the staples gig works and I know it's not pleasant and I felt sick because I knew Liam was going to be so incredibly upset over this. They put a topical numbing cream on his head, but not before scrubbing out his wound. The screaming from that made me leak because by this time, Sylvia hadn't eaten in 3 hours. Do you think I was prepared for that? Of course not. So that mingled with the blood on the front of my white shirt, which we had just been commenting was impractical when you have children not moments before he fell. We waited for a little over half an hour before the doctor and a nurse returned to staple. I was holding Liam at the time and asked if I could just hold him in my arms rather have him pinned to the gurney. I'm pretty sure the doctor rolled his eyes when he said no. I'm the mom, I have to ask questions like that because this is my baby and you're about shove little metal pins into his scalp!

The amount of effort it took for me to put Liam onto the gurney and cheerfully tell him that the doctor was going to fix his head before I said that I couldn't stand there was enough that I honestly thought I was going to pass out. It only took a few seconds to staple him up, but I think I can honestly say that they were the longest seconds of my life. I was so upset that my little boy was in that amount of pain and that he was being restrained so they could do this in the first place that I couldn't even turn around when they were done because Liam would have seen nothing but hysteria on my face. They discharged us shortly after that and we headed home with promises for ice cream and that he could watch Bolt when we got home. The thought of seeing Bolt and Rhino cheered him up enough that he stopped crying and started to talk calmly.

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed uneventfully. I threw up a few times and Matt and I both had terrible headaches from being so stressed all afternoon. Liam was thrilled to watch his movie and then returned to playing with his trucks. Every few hours through the night, I went in to check on him and was relieved that nothing else developed. Sylvia warmed my heart by her response to me when I returned home and came in to see her. She was crying over having her diaper changed but when I came in and started talking to her, she stopped crying, looked for me, cooed back at me and then finally smiled. Things were essentially back to normal today except that he did tell me his head hurt him on a few occasions, so I followed the instructions as far as pain medications went in an attempt to make him as comfortable as possible. Even with all the happened, he was right as rain again as soon as we let him outside to play. Obviously, we are so grateful that nothing more serious happened. I know that wounds happen with kids and that sometimes they're as scary as this. I'm so glad that he's ok, but if I never experience something like this again, it will be too soon.

Merry-Go-Round?

2011-05-21T22:20:00.000-04:00

We were invited to a birthday party today at the carousel. I was kind of excited about it because we hadn't yet the the chance to take Liam on for a ride and I thought for sure he'd follow the other kids on and have a blast. However, it would appear that he has inherited his mother's low tolerance for spinny things and his one trip on the ride was spent screaming. So yay. I have someone to sit with me while Daddy rides all those silly things at amusement parks... mostly likely with my baby girl who will by default have to ride things with Daddy while her brother and I stay on solid ground.

Of course, this weekend, both kiddos were sick. Sylvia having caught Liam's cold was a sad little girl. I felt terrible that she was so congested and just kept trying to keep her fed and comfortable. She complicated matters a bit while we were at the birthday party by gagging on snot and throwing up all over herself twice. Thankfully, I have started to remember that I need to start packing spare outfits for her!

We took Liam to get an ice cream cone at the Coney Island Diner downtown and he certainly enjoyed it. That little boy loves his sweets! Didn't like the cone, though. But that's ok with me, I like that part. Sylvia slept through most of our tour of downtown. Liam was thrilled that there were also a ton of motorcycles cruising this afternoon and would yell "Galookhalooka" whenever one passed.

During the kids' naps, Matt and I started work on the outside of the house. He was ripping out the stumps and I was trying to make the outside of the house look more homey. I've really been brainstorming about ways to jazz up the front of the house. The thing that makes me really miss our other house is that it had so much character right from the get-go and all we had to do was add a few flowers to the beds. This house is a bland light colored brick with no pizazz. We're working, little by little, but I have to say... home improvements of any kind are only more complex when you have 2 small children. In the end, I added a few potted plants and painted the door. I think it looks wonderful, but I have to admit, a porch swing would be the perfect touch to our family home!

Life Glimpses

2011-05-20T14:52:00.000-04:00

Bums. All they do is sleep, poop and eat. Kinda like an infant. So I have 3 in the house.

The to-do list series... don't look too close, "change sheets" is listed twice. I'm tired.

Sad, sad moment when I see this.

Happy, happy moment when I see this.

The view from my nursing post.

1 month with Sylvia

2011-05-16T12:20:00.000-04:00

I honest-to-goodness cannot believe that an entire month has passed. I think that it has passed as quickly as it has because I have 2 kiddos to spend my day with, but nonetheless, I'm having a hard time with the realization that even though it doesn't seem like much, Sylvia is growing up.

By the end of her first 2 weeks, she had added an entire inch to her length, and now she's starting to grow out of the newborn clothes. I see the sweet baby chub starting to develop on her tummy and her thighs. Her little hands are getting those precious dimples, too! She's an excellent eater and so far, things have been wonderful in the nursing department. Thankfully, the weeks have been warm enough that I've had fun dressing a little girl in cute dresses and rompers. Sadly, though, her hair is starting to fall out and there are a few odd bald patches on top of her sweet little round head. I'd always made fun of people who put those silly ribbons on their daughter's heads, but I have to admit, I kind of like the headbands. The subtle ones, of course.

It blows me away how strong she is, too. For someone so tiny, she certainly can move. She pushes herself off my chest to look around, although at this point, she can really only see about 18 inches in front of her. When I lay her down on her back, I will frequently find her flinging her legs to the side in an attempt to roll over. Twice, I've watched her flip to her side after a great deal of effort and apparent concentration. She loves to sleep on her belly or her side and if she's on her back, she wants to be swaddled and snuggled close. Tummy time has had to be done only when I'm able to sit with her and guard against Liam "sharing" a truck with her head or ramming a pacifier in her mouth. Otherwise, I lay her in her crib while I do things in the bedrooms and let her try to push herself up or scoot around. The other day, I found that she had scooted herself from the middle of the crib all the way to the far end and was peeking out the side.

She's really started to coo at me. I love it. Just love it. Because Liam is as busy and demanding as he is, I don't always have the time to gaze into her wise infant eyes and soak her in as much as I would like. Our time has been when I'm changing diapers and giving baths. It's just her and I and I can talk to her without being interrupted. She's started to smile a little and when I talk to her and it's just us and I'm patient to wait, she'll coo back to me. So sweet!

She's no longer in our bed and really not in our room any more through the night. She is such a sweet and precious baby that our nights have been easy in comparison to how they went with Liam at this stage. She's fairly easy going and only requires a little bit of rocking to go to sleep most nights. However, it should be mentioned that she clearly prefers me soothing her than Matt. I'm hoping that in time, she'll learn how great he is, but for now, it's just us girls. I made the decision to move her to her own room earlier than I had planned because she is a noisy sleeper and coupled with her father's snoring, I wasn't sleeping at all in between feedings. She sleeps fairly soundly now that she's in her own room and when I sneak in to check on her, she actually seems to be sleeping more peacefully. Perhaps Daddy's snoring bothers her too?

Sylvia has already been to a soccer game, the park, church, shopping and on a mini-road trip in her first month. When you aren't the only child, you have to just go along for the ride and as long as that ride doesn't require too much time in her car seat, she seems to enjoy it just fine!

Finally! Photos!

2011-05-15T12:40:00.000-04:00

So pretty!

Not yet a fan of Vito

First trip to the park this Spring!

Cousins

Reading while Daddy attempts to soothe Sylvia

First walk

I do realize that half of these photos have a screaming baby in them, oh well. She's not a fan of having her photo taken, I guess. She'll get over it... Liam did!

1 year, 10 month milestones

2011-05-11T06:07:00.000-04:00

I knew this month was going to bring big changes for Liam. To begin with, he became a big brother 3 weeks ago and really had his world rocked by the adjustment. There were some rough days to begin with, but things have settled down and he's accepted that she's not going anywhere. I think he's also figured out that the sweeter he is toward the baby, the more praise he gets, the more photos Mama takes and he then also gets extra snuggles from a very proud Mama for him being such a good big brother.

One thing that really stands out as far as a major side effect of the adjustment is his vocabulary. I lost track of all the new words this month. He added a few sentences including "it hurts" and "help, Mama, help me". One day, when Sylvia was about 2 weeks old, I had had a rough morning with her and Liam needed so much attention that day, that I called my aunt and asked if she would come over to play with him outside where he could run and be as wild as he needed to be. At lunch, it was just him and I together and I thought I'd try to talk to him about his morning. I was thrilled and so proud that he told me all about his morning, speaking clearly and making fairly full sentences as he talked about turning on and off the music in the car, playing in the sandbox and getting his knees wet in the grass. Since then, I've been asking him more open-ended questions about his day or whatever it is that he's doing and encouraging him to respond. He's really growing up now!

Physically, I can tell he's getting taller. A few of his pants from this winter are now highwaters and as of this week, he can officially open his bedroom door and let himself out. Matt isn't as thrilled with this development, but I am. No more of him sitting in his room after nap calling for me and me feeling guilty that I'm nursing or can't get there fast enough. I love that he can do this himself and he's so proud. He also learned to blow bubbles this month. He still puts the wand a little too close to his mouth and often has soapy lips, but he can actually do it himself. He is running everywhere and can play at kicking a ball back and forth very well. I'm trying to teach him to catch a ball and to pedal his trike, but it's taking some time to get those things down.

He's become very friendly lately as well. He says hi/bye/hey to nearly every person we pass. Sometimes, I think it's the cutest thing in the world, other times it scares me because he currently has no fears of strangers as long as we are nearby. I suppose he feels secure, but I just don't want him taking off. Which is something he also did for the first time this month. He wandered away from Matt and I while we were shopping at Target and distracted by the baby. He wasn't concerned at all, but I was traumatized. I've really been working with identification with him this month as well. Since I spend most of my day nursing, we've been having fun doing I Spy puzzles and books. When he shows me anything or we talk about anything, I've been making sure to point out the color or number. He knows all the color words, but he can't match them to the color swatch or an item reliably. He generally gets blue and orange, but he also likes to call things green whether or not they actually are. I got a good laugh out of the realization that he's also been introduced to pink and purple in the last few weeks. Who knows when he would have learned those if he hadn't had a sister?

I can't believe that I'm going to be planning another birthday party here in a few weeks. It blows me away that nearly 2 years have slipped away without being really noticed. I can really see now that I didn't cherish his infancy as much as I should have and am working to soak in every moment now. Even though the temper tantrums can be physically taxing and he's learned to whine recently, this is the last time he's going to be this age, this size and need me in this way. And I tell you, no one says "momma" like he does!

All I Really Wanted

2011-05-08T22:25:00.000-04:00

" Someday, when I'm a mom, I'm going to have 12 kids. We're going to live in the country and have a farm. I'm going to be married to a man with red hair and we'll have a great family. He'll work in town and I'll be at home with the kids. Because I'll be a mom to them. And I'll always be there. We'll love each other and be happy."

I was about 10 years old when I wrote that. I never wanted to confess that I just wanted to be a mom to anyone because I felt that it would be a silly dream. I made fun of the girls in college who got the early childhood education degrees because they were really there to snag a man and start making babies. I slaved my way through a Biology degree, having great fun with a my collection of minors before taking the MCATs in the fall of 2002. After graduation, I went to India for part of the summer, the weight of having to decide which medical school I was going to attend in the Fall weighing on my shoulders. Maybe it was the heat, or maybe it was that I finally realized what was best for me, but I placed 2 phone calls from a public phone in Calcutta to the schools that had accepted me and told them to give my spot to someone else, I wouldn't be attending.

I can still remember where I was standing when I told my parents I'd decided to not attend medical school. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my life, but medicine wasn't it. My mother cried and said that she didn't understand why I was willing to waste my mind and not complete my education. I told her that I thought it would be a greater waste to go to school, enslave myself to debt for an education I wanted only because I knew I could do it. And why would I do that if I really wanted to get married and have children? She never brought it up again and moved on the task of finding me a husband. I think then that it made sense to her. Why I always took my household chores so seriously. Why I prided myself on being a good babysitter for multiple children. Why I never read the silly fiction stories from the library, but would bring home stacks on homecare and farming books. I'm pretty sure I am the youngest person to ever have a subscription to Martha Stewart Living. I think my mother was always worried that I wouldn't find being a wife and mother challenging enough and become bored with it.

Trust me Mom, I'll never be bored with this thing we call motherhood. Walking down the hallway this morning to change Sylvia's diaper, she suddenly turned her head and spit up all over me. Two days ago, Liam randomly recited a line from Cars... a line including the word "dumb"... a word I've worked very hard to not say in front of him. Sylvia waited 8 extra days to be born and blew her way into our lives a quickly as she could. Liam routinely shocks me with a new word or phrase he didn't know a day ago. The other day, I did a load of laundry that contained 40 diapers. Tonight, while I was attempting a menu plan for the week, I noticed what I think is mashed potatoes on the wall. And it's been almost 2 weeks since Liam took a bottle of ranch dressing from the fridge... I still haven't found it. So don't worry Mom, I'll never be bored.

What I am though... amazed. I am constantly amazed with the love I have for my children and for Matt as a result of my life. I have a deep respect for Matt and the way he keeps so involved in their lives. I know he works all day and really could come home and just tune us out, but he doesn't. He enjoys playing with them and even makes up silly songs to get through mundane tasks, like buttoning sleepers. I'm refreshed by Liam's chubby arms wrapping around my neck. I love his sweet kisses, high fives and "hiiiiii" whenever he walks by me. I love the way Sylvia locks eyes with me and coos. I love that she makes the same faces Liam did. I'm exhausted 95% of the time. But I wouldn't trade these days for anything. The time will come when they will be so grown up that they won't want it to be me that holds them in my arms and rocks them. The day will arrive when I sit in the pew at their wedding and watch them take another family as their own. Someday, my babies will be able to pick out their own clothes and read their own stories and won't ask me to "holp".

Sometimes, I look at the year and calculate out where I "should" be in my training. I watch Grey's Anatomy Season 1 and wonder what it would have been like to take that path in life. But I know. I wouldn't have Matt, and I wouldn't have Liam or Sylvia. This path has it's own challenges and heartbreaks, but in the last 2 years, I've learned to slow down and walk purposefully. To take the time to smell the proverbial roses and remember the moments. Mom used to tell me that "anything worth doing is worth doing well". I'm trying, Mom. Not only am I trying to do it well, but to do it with as much love and patience as I can. Because someday, when they are grown up and Mamas and Daddys themselves, I want my kids to look back and remember their Mama as someone who really loved them. I want them to know that I'm still here, even if they don't want to be rocked.

Another photo-less post

2011-05-05T22:49:00.000-04:00

Alright, there are a lot of thoughts swirling around in my fuzzy little post-partum head these days. I apologize if I offend anyone... so if you are squeamish about personal opinions, feel free to read the first 2 paragraphs and then close the page. Also, I have tons of photos to upload... I'll get to it, I swear. I noticed that I totally neglected to mention Sylvia's 2 week appointment last Thursday. She'd gained 4 ounces above her birth weight which then gave her the grand total of 8 pounds, 12 ounces. AND, she grew an entire inch! Wow. I had thought there was some growing going on since the newborn clothes were actually starting to fit her and she can fill the length of a 3 month sleeper while she's stretched out. But she isn't very often. I broke down and bought one of those SwaddleMe doo-dads tonight. I'm not sure if it's really worth it, but there seems to be such a delicate balance as far as how to wrap her up before bed, I thought I'd try one. You know, take the guess work out of it all? We got a letter from the health department today informing me that her hearing screening is Friday morning. Yippee skippee!

We went as a family to church for the first time on Sunday. It was nice to get out of the house and see a few people, but as soon as I sat down in Sunday school, she got hungry, so I spent the entire time standing in the lobby, bouncing her or in the ladies room on a wicker bench nursing. We aren't making any commitments to anything right now... if we make it out the door, we make it out the door. I did sign up to have her dedicated on the 22nd, but that is right at the very beginning of the service, so it shouldn't be too hard to handle. What's going to be hard is the toddler.

Liam is mad at me these days. It's just me and the kids all the time now that Matt is back to work full time and I don't have any help or visitors. He's decided that it's my fault that his life has changed so much. So he alternates between completely ignoring me and hitting me. If I nurse and then go to do something with him that he doesn't want to do (like change his diaper or put on socks) he grabs the front of my shirt and shoves his hands down it. He's also been using his super angry face a lot. But then, roughly 2 seconds later, he's right as rain and loves me again. I can't keep up! Tonight, while we were at the store, he wandered off. He's never done that before. It was horribly upsetting for me, but I'm not sure he was concerned. When we found him, he was standing at the return counter and cheerfully yelled "Dada!" when he saw Matt. I was right behind him, trying to keep it together. If that happened with 2 adults "in charge", then there is no way on God's Green Earth that I am venturing out of the house alone with both kids now! I'll just become a hermit. Maybe I'll finally learn how to crochet?

Of course, in the midst of all this this week, I've been thinking about the Royal Wedding and the demise of Osama Bin Laden. Normally, these are not topics I'd talk about, but I feel the need to document this... at some point I do plan to have this blog printed out, so here goes. First of all, yes I did watch the Wedding. Oh yes. It's been on my calendar since it was announced. I recorded every single show that had anything to do with the event. The Wedding itself is still on my dvr. I soaked up every single moment of it. I may not be into the whole Disney Princess Fantasy, but I tell you what, in the case of a real woman's chance to become a real princess, I am on it. So to answer all your questions, yes I loved her dress, I thought she looked classy. Yes, I did notice that Prince William was blushing through the entire service and I totally thought he looked like his Mum. Wish she could have been there with him. And no, I've never thought that the British were really into much of anything other than football (the kind with the spherically-shaped black and white ball, not the kind with tight pants) until I watched their enthusiasm for this union. It was magical.

I was up feeding Sylvia when I noticed my phone was flashing and got the news that Bin Laden was gone. Can it really be true? The man who destroyed so many lives and changed the course of history through his cruelty is actually no longer a threat. So, instead of going to bed when she was done eating, I came back out to the living room and checked facebook, cnn and twitter. It's true. He's gone. And for the sake of the people whose lives he's devastated, I am glad. Nevertheless, it was still a life and a life that has ended violently. A life that could have made different choices, but didn't. And with Mother's Day around the corner, please consider that there's a mother out there who lost a son. Yes, that son made horrible choices, but he was her baby and she lost him. And while I totally blame this man for the fact that my brother is in Afganistan right now instead of home with his wife and baby and I hate all the things that have happened in the world as a result of his cruelty (OBL, not my brother), I'm over it. I hate that every single news station has a graphic or a catch phrase to open the news on him. I'm glad they made the decision to not release the photos of his death. I don't want to see them. Why should we sensationalize this? He's dead, ding dong, please... let's move on.

Speaking of sensationalism, I've been watching a lot of tv these last few weeks. I've learned a lot about children's programming and am realizing that I hate 95% of it. I've watched a lot of spoiled pregnant women being coddled by a British woman with a lisp. And I've snooped in people's homes that are beyond filthy. This is where I am stumped. So yes, we all want to sit down and watch the over-the-top host lambaste the family for their laziness, filth, greed and sloth. I love to watch the show while I'm cleaning. Or after a hard day to remind myself that I did, in fact, vacuum my house this century and am in no danger of becoming fodder for this type of programming. Matt and I sit in the living room, exhausted beyond belief and ramble on about the show and the family. How is it that these people fall into these conditions? And if by someone coming in and bailing them out, are we (society as a whole) encouraging this? And then when they are rewarded for their "great sacrifice" in throwing away all the junk (which they sobbed and cried over in the first place) with whole new sets of furniture, aren't we telling the slobs of the world that "don't bother taking care of things and being responsible, we'll fix it." This rant is due largely in part to the fact that on the newest season, the families have been handed cleaning supplies and told to get to work. And I applaud that decision by those people who run the show.

Ugh. I'm tired and emotional from the episode at the store today. I'll admit to being super anxious now about Liam wandering. I had already thought that I needed to make sure I made specific time to go out with Liam alone now that Sylvia is here. I'm going to have to wait a little longer before I can really justify leaving her for more than half an hour at a time. But I think that Liam needs that time with me. I've been sending him out with Matt to do little errands, but I want my time with him too. Sylvia can always have Daddy dates. I can't wait for her to wrap him completely around her tiny fingers!

2011-04-30T21:42:00.000-04:00

I am so grateful for a husband who adores his children as much as mine does. And I'm so grateful for the sweet children I have. Our life would be absolutely picture perfect... if you didn't mind the toddler acting like a toddler and the infant acting like she was just born 2 weeks ago. I know, I laughed too when I went back and read that sentence.

Liam is a complete enigma these days. One second he is gently rubbing Sylvia's back and listening to me like a model child at nap time. The next, he has taken mashed potatoes and smeared them all over the table, chair, wall and himself. On one hand, he loves to snuggle and cuddle with me at the kitchen window so we can catch a glimpse of a "tweet" and then on the other, he gets so mad over nothing and hauls off and hits me in the face. He's been in time out a few times this week. Which I hate. I hate to have to tell him that he's not behaving properly. But I also hate being hit in the face... toddler hands are sticky and they leave sticky behind that is remarkably difficult to remove.

Sylvia has decided that I should never, ever eat chocolate again. Which makes me very sad. The other day, I was a little stressed and she was cranky, which made me want chocolate. So I ate some. And then she'd cry. The more she cried, the more lunch and dinner hurt, so the more chocolate I wanted. Vicious cycle, I tell you. I've never really been much of a chocolate person, so this is a whole new experience for me. Oh. She also doesn't like cabbage. Which, of course, just makes me notice all the cabbage recipes on the internet and have dreams of sauteed cabbage. Dreams, people, dreams. Nights have been hit or miss around here, but it doesn't really seem to matter whether or not she does well because I am so tired, I could sleep for 3 days and not feel rested.

This week was rough just by nature of the fact that Matt went back to work and I had a stream of people in and out of the house both to visit and to help. I was so relieved for the weekend to get here, I cannot even tell you. There really is something restorative about knowing that if you wanted to, you could sleep in or do nothing all day. Not that it actually turns out that way, but it's a possibility, right? Matt and I settled in for a night of HGTV and good laughs at the renovations that make us look like pros despite all the dramas we've encountered. Shortly after this, Liam fell out of his bed. Best I can figure from decoding the toddlerese and observing the accident scene, he dropped George on the floor and reached out of the bed to get him. He may have lost his balance and fallen on his head and then flipped over... this being decided because he was in a heap probably 4 feet from the bed looking very tired and confused when I ran in. I held him and put him back in bed only to be replaced by a pillow. For some reason, the whole situation struck me funny and Matt and I got the laugh we needed for our week. And then, the guy on tv decided not to turn off the breaker before messing with the wiring in his attic and shocked himself. While he was screaming and jumping around, we realized that since we hadn't been electrocuted this week, we're in pretty good shape!

The day I mourned a whole cup of coffee's demise

2011-04-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

There was a period of time today when I seriously considered crying. The day: absurd. Given that we've had such wonderful days up to now, I can't really complain, but this day came out of no where and just about slapped me silly. I suppose that in reality, there aren't days and nights in my life anymore, so much as there are dates that come and go on the calendar. I have to keep looking at the calendar and checking to make sure I'm doing what I should be. It would be so easy to not. And write everything down, or risk having someone show up on my doorstep for a play date and me not even know why they're here.

Tuesday was rough for me. I went to MOPs because I really needed to get out of the house, but I had had a little scare in the night and was stressed and a little sick over it... you know, the kind of scare that only happens at 3am and convinces you that you are for sure going to die. I hadn't slept in a few days and so I really just wanted to lie down all day, but it didn't quite pan out that way. I was trying to get supper on the table when I realized that I was scheduled to tutor and had only a few minutes before my sessions started. Of course, Sylvia also needed to eat. I was a little tense when I signed in, but the night went well and I was thrilled that I did as well as I did even with nursing twice! When my session times ended, I chose to end as well instead of stay on and continue to work with kids like I usually do... I was just too tired. So I fed Sylvia one last time, handed her off to Matt and headed to bed. I went to bed at 11, figuring that she'd be up again in an hour or two. FIVE HOURS LATER, she and Matt came through the bedroom door and announced that she was awake and hungry. Boy was I excited! She ate again and we were both back to sleep around 430.

Needless to say, when my day started at 7, I was feeling pretty good. I even got a complete shower and made myself eggs for breakfast. This day... couldn't be better... or so I thought. Liam got up at 8. By 815, he had had 2 major meltdowns. At 830, he was throwing pancakes across the kitchen because he felt like it. When he was corrected, he gave me the death glare of a lifetime. By 845, he was laying on my lap, sobbing hysterically because he ran into the stool while he was walking, drinking from his milk cup. At 9, I got a phone call and while I was answering it, he chose to walk up to his tiny, helpless, sleeping sister and hit her with a drum stick. The much needed phone call was ended. At 915, I was trying to feed her and he was trying to tear her off my nipple because he wanted to sit on my lap. THAT was awesome! Thank God we were working on my left side since that's the one that is actually healing and doesn't make me cry every time she latches on. At 930, I was burping Sylvia and he was running back and forth to the front door and falling down repeatedly. I'm low on patience at this point, so I was ignoring him to the best of my ability. After a little while, he ran close enough to me that I could see his leg and foot were wet. What the heck?! So, poor Sylvia got set down yet again so I could deal with big brother. Turns out, someone peed by the front door... right in front of "his" window and when he was running around, he slipped in it multiple times. So by 945, I was on my hands and knees, washing the floor and changing Liam and scrubbing his legs.

My aunt called shortly after this and when I answered the phone, both children chose that moment to sob hysterically so she decided to come over and play with Liam. She took him outside because our neighbor was out with her 2 grandsons and he apparently had a blast. When they came in, I talked her into baking chocolate chip cookies. That was funny. She's never baked with a toddler and had no idea that he likes to really "help". On several occasions I had to leave the room because I didn't want to laugh too hard. My poor aunt tried desperately to keep the counter top clean while Liam "measured" the dry ingredients over and over with a teaspoon. When she went to add the dry to the wet, he completely freaked out and clung to the bowl as she tried to dump the flour mixture into the other. I had to pry him away from it. After that, he didn't want anything to do with the cookies again until I showed him the chips that were being added. Then, it was all about the chips. Anyway, they both survived and I got a good laugh to brighten up my day. Once the cookies made their way into the oven, I went into the living room to feed Sylvia. I was SO excited to have the quiet of the room while Liam was still busy and as a bonus actually had a full, still tepid cup of coffee to enjoy.

Pure bliss as I settled into the couch to spend some quality time with Sylvia. Let me preface this by saying that I'm still having a little bit of trouble getting her latch on my right side. It takes 2 hands and my full attention right now. I was completely focused on what I was doing when Liam came into the room, spied my coffee mug and decided to help himself. He isn't quite tall enough to really leverage getting something down from the end table and wound up dumping the entire mug all over himself, the floor, my feet, and the end table. He stood there in shock, dripping and looked up at me to say "uh oh, Momma". Once Sylvia finished, I cleaned up the child, who by now was super sticky and then explained why this happened and that "yeah, it was a beeeeg mess". Then, it on to scrub the carpet. For the thousandth time, I blessed my grandmother for purchasing a carpet cleaning kit for me. And for the thousandth time, it saved my carpet... which looked darker in the sample I selected... more of a latte and less an arctic white.

The day did eventually settle down. Liam was still every bit of a stinker for the rest of the day, but at least I was calmer by then. Tomorrow, we have Sylvia's 2 week checkup in the morning and then company in the afternoon. I really hope things work out. If they don't... well. I'll just pack the kids up and go get myself some coffee. And then drink it all. Really fast. Because I can.

The first day

2011-04-25T20:41:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days that made me feel like a super hero. I got roughly 3 hours of sleep last night and was really dragging when I finally got out of bed at 730. Matt and I had agreed that he would go back to work this morning and work through until nap time/mid-afternoon today and Wednesday. Tomorrow and Thursday he's going to help me out a little in the morning through appointments and then head in to finish the day. So each day, he's going to be working 4-6 hours and by Friday, I want to be handling the day all alone. I can't always have him here to help me and the only way to really master a skill is to jump in feet first.

So anyway, no sleep last night, dragging this morning. Things managed to work out ok with Sylvia's feedings so much so that I had just finished feeding her when Liam got up. Matt changed him for me while I was changing Sylvia and then we headed to breakfast. Sylvia was super crabby all morning and I was a little worried that it would bother Liam and then he'd have a meltdown. She was gassy and it took several attempts to get her burp after breakfast. Finally, after a good screaming session, she settled down and fell asleep. I laid her down on the couch so I could slip out and fill my coffee mug. I had just started to pour the coffee when this awful noise came from the living room and scared me so much that I spilled coffee all over the counter. And then she started screaming. Turns out, Liam has discovered that if he gets the rubber tires off one of his trucks, the plastic forms make a heck of a lot of noise when he runs them on his train table. It's amazing how happy that makes him. And how much it upsets his sister. This fact probably lends to his great joy in the act.

After the next feeding, she settled down a little easier and eventually fell asleep. I took advantage of this and curled up with Liam to read and play trucks. I've been saying this all along that I honestly believe that if I make sure to make specific time for him every single day, he'll be fine with the addition of another person to the house and the subsequent division of attention. He and I played for about an hour until my aunt dropped by with the kids' Easter baskets. Sylvia napped well enough that I was also able to get lunch on the table for Liam and myself and clean up the kitchen before she woke up. I decided to chance it and try to put him down for a nap before checking to see if she was awake. As it turned out, he went straight to his room for me and got in bed without any discussion. He asked me to rub his back a little before telling me "go-go". After that, Sylvia ate and hung out with me for a little while before falling asleep for a great afternoon nap again.

So when Matt came home, I was cleaning the bathroom, the kids were sleeping and the house was quiet. It was nice. I like having days like this. Of course, the fact that he came home early certainly helped, but still it's always nice to have a peaceful day. Especially considering the first day Matt went back to work after Liam was born I nearly had a panic attack when I couldn't calm him down. I've taken a ton of photos the last few days which I really should share, but that would require me to remember that I need to do that. I managed to get all the thank yous done and out in the mailbox. The birth certificate paperwork is done and ready for Matt to drop off at the health department. I got all the files sorted and organized for the mail that came last week. So my desk is clear and my mind is calm. I'm looking forward to MOPs in the morning. I've started a new book and am probably going to do a few book reviews on the food blog since I'm not attempting anything in the kitchen just yet. Maybe next week?

Welcome back normalcy!

2011-04-23T21:12:00.000-04:00

Well, things are starting to lean more toward normal around here. We are returning to our usual routine with Liam and I think he appreciates it. He is talking a lot more this week, too. He's trying to learn more colors and it's the cutest thing that he'll bring something up to us and announce what color he thinks it should be. Sometimes, he's right. Sometimes, he's not. Either way, I love it.

He's being a lot better about Sylvia. On Thursday, Matt's mom was here to help me while he cut down the shrubs in front of our house. While he was working, we started talking about Sylvia's birth announcements and how I really didn't have anything planned to do, but that I knew I needed to get rolling with it. So, we checked with an area photographer and an hour later we were in the studio with 2 kiddos and cute outfits hoping for the best. For being a spur-of-the-moment photo session, I'm pleased with it. Mainly because Liam hammed it up so much that he actually got close to Sylvia, realized that he gets serious praises for trying and has since decided that she's not so bad after all.

Ever since Thursday, he has been rubbing her back while I'm burping her, patting her head when she's in her bouncer seat, holding her hand when he comes over to "heeeey, baby" and informing me every time she cries. After we got home that night, Matt returned to the yard to continue work while he still could see by the light of the day, his mother went home and I was alone inside with both kids, trying to balance nursing and the whole of Liam's bedtime routine. It went amazingly well and I was just so proud of my big boy for listening to me when I asked him to help me get ready and for taking his bedtime story session with a screaming child next to him without a complaint. The highlight of those 2 hours was that I was sitting behind them answering a phone call when I realized that he was sitting next to her, showing her his current favorite truck and telling her all about the horse trailer that comes with it. He even pointed out the hole for the hook-up on the back of the truck.

Of course, Thursday night was by far the worst night we've had yet. In the wee hours of the morning, she was nursing every half hour, gulping down as much as she could before drifting off to sleep before waking screaming and angry again to feed. I was in a decidedly foul mood on Friday morning. Matt kept complaining of how tired he was and how his back was bothering him from the yard work the day before. Just a tip: if you were in the same room as me all night and while I sat in a rocker having your child feed on my poor flesh with the enthusiasm of a piranha while you snored blissfully away, don't complain to me about being tired. It doesn't go over well.

We made it through Friday, but my attitude was terrible all day. It had me a little worried about how things are going to go when Matt goes back to work if I'm that exhausted on a regular basis, until I looked up growth spurts online and realized that she would have been having one sometime Thursday-Sunday and that would account for how hungry and demanding she was. When she finished her 930 feeding last night, I headed to bed and left her to snuggle with Matt. I fully anticipated that she would be up around 1130 or midnight, but the sweet child slept until 2am! Matt then came to bed with her and I dealt with the feedings at 2, 430 and 630. So last night was good. We both woke up refreshed and started in on our days with some energy this morning, which is always nice. Matt returned to yard to continue working on the shrubs while I tackled laundry. I'm hoping that I'll be able to send him back to work at least half days starting Monday, so I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to work the house and 2 kids and the dogs. I have all my to-do lists printed out to see which set up I like best and I'm trying to spend the weekend getting as far ahead as I can. My official tutoring hours begin again on Tuesday night, but since I'm only doing Tuesdays and Thursdays, it should be manageable until the end of the school year. After that, I'll just get online and work when I can. Until then, I'm off to start another book in the bathtub. This will be my 4th novel in the last week and I'm enjoying it as much as I can. Once Matt goes back to work and things really are normal again, I'm pretty sure my days of leisure reading in a hot bath are over!

Those first few days...

2011-04-20T23:25:00.000-04:00

It's been an interesting 5 days. I feel as though I'm not really here. I felt like I watching myself go through all the healing and the adjusting and the living. I feel like I'm in a cloud of peace all the time. Well, except for about 330 this morning when Sylvia was refusing to latch on, and chose instead to scream her little head off at me. I think I can say that the second child is a totally different experience for a number of reasons. For one thing, you already know what's coming. I knew that birth was exhausting and I knew that I needed to rest. I anticipated pain and a long healing time. I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping any time soon and that I'd better revive my desire for turkey sandwiches eaten with one hand in 6 bites. So when Sylvia's birth and initial recovery was nothing like I expected, I also knew that I needed to not expect anything.

I felt pretty good all day Friday, but Saturday felt a little bit like I had been run over by a truck. We had a few visitors, which was nice. I enjoyed showing off my daughter, but I was really tired. Sylvia was up all night and I think I slept for about an hour an a half at one point. I learned that the afterbirth pains with the second child were awful. Friday, I was nursing Sylvia and the pain in my uterus was so bad, I threw up. I felt kind of bad for poor Sylvia, trying to eat while her mother was heaving away! Saturday night, Liam got a little wound up and while I was nursing Sylvia after supper, he came over to us to look at her... I though. Instead, he whipped a red shovel from his sand toys out from behind his back and smacked her on the head as hard as he could. She of course, was totally taken by surprise and screamed bloody murder. I gasped in shock. He gave me his angriest face. My aunt was there and rushed to take him, but I made Matt come and help instead. Liam has had quite the adjustment and I totally understand that, but he needed his Daddy and Mama to tell him together that while we understand how he feels, he can't go around hitting people with a shovel.

Sunday was a wonderfully quiet morning, with visitors in the afternoon. Liam napped well and was thrilled to wake up and find his Papa opening his bedroom door. Supper wound up being a disaster and Liam was wild by the time we put him to bed. The good night we had had Saturday to Sunday was a distant memory as both kids were up screaming on multiple occasions.

Monday morning I was thrilled to realize that Matt was still home with me. My back was getting worse and worse and I could hardly do much more than sit on the couch or rocker with the kids. Despite Sylvia being a wonderful nurser, the adjustment to having that part of my body in use is a challenge. My milk came in Sunday night and that experience was better than it was last time, still lousy, but more bearable than the first time. I tend to tense completely up when she nurses on the right side. I don't know what the deal is, but both kids have seemed to dislike that side and she rolls my nipple when she first latches on. So the combination of the birth in the really not-birth-friendly bathtub and the tensing while nursing in odd positions left me in a lot of pain. Awesome.

Tuesday morning, I got a few phone calls for visitors and I told them not to come. I just wanted a quiet family day. It was wonderful. Liam did great all day and spent some time with just me reading and playing. I have been making a serious effort to make sure I give him his snuggles and cuddles and tickles and wrestle as much as I can. He seems to be starting to adjust ok to the idea of Sylvia being a part of our lives now. He still hasn't made any efforts to really do much more than show me her knees or her ears, but that's ok. When he's ready, he will. Oh! He makes fun of her though! When we ask what the baby says, he scrunches up his face and says "whahhhh!". Makes me laugh every time!

Today, excellent day. Liam helped me burp Sylvia! I was so proud of him for being so sweet and gentle! And that was the end of that. He was back to being his usual toddler boy self. He runs a lot around the house since it's been gross out. Tomorrow it's supposed to be nicer out so I'm hoping to take Sylvia out and get her some fresh air. Liam will be thrilled to be playing in the sandbox again. I will be devastated if the weather does not cooperate tomorrow. Devastated. I put Sylvia's first cloth diapers on today, too. They are actually wonderful considering that she's so small that most of the clothes I have for her are too big, so the diapers helped keep her pants on!

Things are going as expected. I asked Matt last night why things were so good. He said it's because we're relaxed. He and I had a good laugh over Sylvia farting every 30 seconds and then came to the conclusion that the firstborn really does get shafted in the deal. We I worried so much in the beginning and over analyzed ~~almost~~ everything. There wasn't a whole lot of laughter and just general enjoyment. No one was relaxed or very happy. We yelled a lot at each other those first few weeks. I cried constantly. I just cried today and that was because I was so happy with Liam for patting his sister's tiny back. Right now, Matt and I are watching Modern Family, laughing and relaxed. I've finished an entire book these last 5 days. Of course, I do realize that once he goes back to work at the end of next week, I'm on my own and I'll be stressed again. But hey. I can take it one day at a time and hope that I have fun with my two little kiddos.

The grand entrance of Sylvia Karin

2011-04-16T11:03:00.000-04:00

When Matt and I took our birthing class before Liam was born, we learned that human gestation is really 41 weeks and 1 day. At the time, it sounds totally feasible. What's another week past your due date? Ummm, yeah. With Liam, I was so hot and itchy and miserable, I thought for sure that I was in the depth of Hades prior to his birth. This time, I had a whole range of emotions that centered on the fact that I wasn't able to be the parent I wanted to be to Liam while we were waiting for Sylvia to arrive because I was so. huge. So on Thursday night, I changed the sheets on my bed, fully expecting that I'd be waiting another few days. I went to the library and got a huge stack of fiction to read while I waited. I read a few chapters into a book and then went to bed with the prayer that Sylvia would be here before Easter.

At 5am on Friday, April 15th, I woke up to a contraction. I went to the bathroom and by the time I got back to the bed, I was having another. Vito came running in and started whining before he ran back out to the living room where Matt was sleeping on the floor. His back had been bothering him so when we went to bed, he told me that he'd be out there and I assured him I wouldn't need him. Vito ran back out to the living room and got in Matt's face sniffing and whining. Matt ignored him, so Vito returned to me and assumed the position he was in for a long time while I was in labor with Liam. I laid in bed for a while and realized that the contractions were about 5 minutes apart so I texted a friend and told her thinking that this time, I could use some prayers about this experience.

At 530, Liam woke up screaming. I was having a contraction when he did and the scare factor of my baby screaming made it really unpleasant. I called to Matt and told him that he had to get up and deal with Liam because I just couldn't at that moment. Of course, the child who never wants anything to do with me wanted his mama. He cried for me until Matt let him come into the bedroom with me. Liam crawled up on the bed and laid on my belly for a little while before we convinced him to go back to sleep. I had Matt call J and warn her that she would be needed in a few hours. It was a good thing we did because she had planned to leave for Chicago for the weekend that day and if I hadn't called, I might have missed her!

After a while, I went to the bathroom and filled the tub, thinking that it would help me with the discomfort I was feeling. I was so insanely uncomfortable and couldn't figure why. I was in and out of the tub, up and down from a squatting position, walking around the house, sitting on the toilet, sitting on the bed... nothing really worked. The contractions were absurdly hard and frustratingly irregular. Matt had found an application for his phone that would track the contractions and tell us how long they were. Matt's phone showed that I was having contractions 10 minutes, 7 minutes, 6 minutes, 8 minutes apart and they were lasting anywhere between 45 seconds and 2 minutes. I was really annoyed that there wasn't a pattern. I like patterns. Anyway, around 730 I decided that I was going to try and lie down and get some "rest". I laid down on the bed and Matt sat behind me so he could rub my back. Vito took up his usual position behind my knees. I felt a sudden pop at the top of my belly and said "Matt. My water is going to break right. now." Literally, the words were not out of my mouth and my water broke. Scared Vito to death. Remember how I said I had changed the sheets on the bed? Of course I had. Last time this happened I had put my favorite sheets on the bed. This time, white ones. I know. It's absurd.

At this time, I told Matt he'd better call J back and tell her to get rolling. I looked at him and said this isn't going to take long, she'd better get here. From here on out, things went so fast I can barely believe it happened. He called her at 745. At roughly 830, she arrived at the house and Liam woke up. The timing couldn't have been better because I really, really needed someone with me at that time. I thought that transitioning with Liam was rough, oh no. This time, I have been told that I asked for an epidural AND a c-section. I'm laughing as I type that, but I know I was dead serious at that moment. This labor gave me a whole new definition of pain. I may have also mentioned sometime around here that this was most certainly my last child and if we were having any more, Matt could do it.

When J got there, she took over calming me down and checked to see if I was dilated. "Well, sweetie, you're at 8cm so this won't be too much longer." WHAT!?!?!? Now I knew better than to get myself all excited that it would be ending soon, but I want you to know that I was thrilled to know that the morning's hard work wasn't for nothing. We had called a friend to come and get Liam since it was clear that he I was going to be too high maintenance. She arrived shortly after 830 and I could hear her and Matt talking out in the kitchen while Liam ate breakfast. I was glad she came when she did because that kind of snapped me out of the panic I was in and for the next hour I was in a sort of trance. They left by 9 and I honestly can't even tell you if I was contracting then. I wandered around the house, got in and out of the shower, on and off the bed. I had a lot of pressure so nothing was really comfortable, but I was totally silent and calm. Kind of refreshing, actually.

Right about 10 am, J wanted to check the baby's heartbeat and I remember her telling me that it was apparent that she was awake because her heart rate was strong and active. I then, pushed her out of my way, turned on the bath water and got in the tub faster than I thought possible at that moment. I dropped into the water because I had a hard contraction right then and I wanted to be underwater. She checked me again and told me that since I was at about 9 and a half, if I wanted to push, now would be the time. So I did, but I wasn't really into it. Really I was pushing during contractions just to try and relieve the pain a bit. Suddenly, I could feel that Sylvia was really in the canal and it hurt unbelievably bad and I wanted this child out. There wasn't any calm moaning any more. No longer was there a control, oh no. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Matt kept telling me to relax my face. I swear, if he EVER tells me to relax my face more than 2 times in a row again... However, roughly 4 pushes later, out pops my baby! I was still in the bathtub, which while a good idea when I got in, was now a horribly uncomfortable and I regretted getting in. J pulled Sylvia out of the water and put her on my chest and the first thought that went through my head was "this is it?! How can she be so small!?" And then, I looked again and was overwhelmed with how much like Liam she looked. And then, I wanted out of the tub.

Writing this is making me laugh because honestly, this birth experience was so much different than Liam's. It was fast and intense and it really hurt. I went from zero to sixty (so to speak) without really getting the warm up period I had gotten with his and not only did it totally take me by surprise, it scared me. I was afraid that I would have her before J got there. I was afraid I wouldn't have the strength and I am not ashamed to say that there was a lot of desperate praying coming out of me. When Liam was born, I was screaming that I was mom and a rock star and I was so wound up. When Sylvia was born, I inspected her calmly and then said that I wanted to go to bed. I was filled with the same overwhelming love for her that I was with him, but I was wise enough to conserve my energy. We went back to the bedroom and I curled up with Sylvia. Again, so overwhelmed with how much like her brother she looks, except on a seemingly tiny scale.

We rested for a while, J finished paperwork and told us what we needed to file. Matt took the photos, we did the physical, I got the herb bath. I nursed as much as Sylvia was really interested. J hung out and talked. Around noon, J headed out to go on her trip and I made a few phone calls. Not the hyper, wild-eyed phone calls we made when Liam was born, but calm hey-Sylvia's-here sort of phone calls. J returned a few minutes later to tell us that she had accidentally left her Kindle plugged into the car and it had drained her battery, could we give her a jump? So Matt left me and Sylvia to our phone calls and relaxing and ran outside. Turns out, the wires were crossed and he wound up frying a computer chip that controlled the breaks and J's husband had to come and pick her up(all's well that ends well, despite the repair being really pricey, our home owner's insurance covered it and everyone is all set. Phew!)

Our friends brought Liam home around 1 and that worked out really well. I was in the bathroom so I had laid Sylvia down in her crib. I was able to greet Liam without having my arms full and our friend, Karen, went with Matt to pick Sylvia up and bring her out to the living room. So for Liam's first viewing of his sister, he was on my lap and she was in someone else's arms. Matt picked him up and tried to show the baby to him, but he wasn't really interested. The rest of the day went fairly peacefully. Another friend stopped by with supper and brought Liam a gift which he has yet to let out of his sight. He kept a fairly wide berth of Sylvia, but the day went well. We decided to surprise Matt's mom and not tell her that Sylvia had made her appearance because she was supposed to come babysit for us that night anyway. The look on her face as she realized that I was holding a child was priceless! Everyone settled in for the night and although it was a rough one, it was totally expected and we made it to wake up the next morning a happy little family.

1 week

2011-04-14T15:23:00.000-04:00

Time to be honest here. I've woken up countless times in the last 10 days or so and been horribly disappointed to find myself still pregnant. Starting the morning of April 7th, I spent almost every morning crying. Until Tuesday morning. Five days past due, I was beyond frustrated when I woke up. I had had a period of good, healthy contractions in the wee hours of the morning, so much so that I had actually gotten Matt up to sit and time them with me. Of course, shortly after I woke him up and he started calculating they slowed down enough that I thought I should go back to sleep and get some rest. I woke up a few hours later with a full bladder and a still full uterus. I sat and cried and cried.

I haven't really wanted to blog much. The last time I was overdue (which, by the way is now my only experience) I felt like I wrote a lot of really depressing and self-centered things. I realize that I'm pregnant and hormonal, but I don't want my children to read these writings or watch me during a later pregnancy and dread this stage, knowing I'll be falling into a pit of depression over having to wait. So anyway, I called J on Friday morning when it appeared that my water had broken. It seems that either I leaked or my forewaters broke. She checked me and found that I was dilated 3-4cm, but that Sylvia has not dropped far enough down to fully engage so that labor will officially begin. She sent me home with a list of things to try and we assumed that I'd be calling over the weekend. No dice.

Tuesday, Matt warned me about getting depressed and feeling sorry for myself. Since I could feel myself really not wanting to pull myself up, I agreed to go to MOPs. If for no other reason, I'd at least be sure to have a decent breakfast and a warm cup of coffee while Liam was entertained by someone who was probably still patient by 10am. I wound up leaving the meeting to go to the bathroom (I know, seriously, all I do is visit the bathroom) and one of the girls came out to make sure I was ok. She and I ended up having a very deep, heart-felt conversation. That conversation was the reason why I was still pregnant on Tuesday and that conversation was the reason why I went to MOPs.

On Tuesday, while I was talking to that girl I said things I never say to anyone because they cannot understand unless they have been there themselves. I don't know many people who can identify with me on that level and it was amazingly healing to stand and cry with someone over your fears. Once I was able to get all that out of my system, I felt like I could think a lot clearer. This last month has been an interesting one for me in my mind. On one hand, I was kind of hoping that all the false labor in March would lead to a baby delivered in March. April is a busy birthday month in Matt's family and trust me, that was mentioned several times once we found out the due date. And to be honest, I hate the idea of sharing birthday parties. Your birthday is the one day you get to be king/queen and I currently have no intention in my child getting stiffed on that deal. Not everyone feels like I do about birthdays, and I respect that, but I also expect people to respect my view on the birthday party or they can just not participate. So... Sylvia is going to be sharing the month of April with 4 other people on Matt's side of the family and it's gonna be busy every year.

At the same time, here I sit completely healthy. My baby is healthy. I'm not dealing with swelling. The heartburn from a few months ago is only occasional now. As long as I don't go to bed all worked up, I sleep well for someone who is up frequently to pee. I can eat whatever I want. Not only did I make it to the bare-minimum to be considered full term, I've gone above and beyond. In light of the fact that Matt and I have watched our friends in the last few years have premature infants, some who have survived, some who have not it seems absurd that I'm frustrated. I'm so insanely grateful that I'm healthy. I'm thrilled my baby has been given the opportunity to gestate exactly where she needs to be and in the way that is the best for her. I'm so glad that I'm not in the situation my own parents were with my younger brother. I'm so grateful that Matt isn't having to make decisions about my POA or whether or not we should even try to keep the baby alive.

Yes, I want to hold my baby. Yes, I know there's a big adjustment coming and I just want to get the ball rolling and stop wondering how it's going to go. Oh my goodness YES! I would love to have clothing options that extend beyond 1 pair of track pants and Matt's t-shirts. I'm so excited for that precious moment when I first look into her eyes. I can't wait to sit together as a family and introduce Liam to his little sister. I can't wait to watch Matt's face as he looks at his baby for the first time. I'm so very excited to observe the changes in us as adapt and adjust to becoming a family of 4 for the first time. Until that time, though, I have a family of 3 and I get to spend my time with them. I spent all my time in the first few months of Liam's life wishing away the time until things got "better" and I don't want to do that again. I don't want to make the mistake of missing things because I didn't think that moment was good enough. Every moment is that only one of that moment I'm going to get and I just don't want to waste them anymore.

1 year, 9 month milestones

2011-04-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

I remember when I calculated out this month on my fingers... I was trying to figure out when Liam would be joined by a sibling. I also remember thinking that I was so fortunate to have squeezed in the sibling before he turned 2. There have been days this month when I'll be honest and say I'm not so certain of my fortune. Liam has certainly come into his own in the last 4 weeks and is determined to make sure that we all know what his thoughts, life preferences, and opinions. A few times he has thrown himself down on the floor and threw a fit of anger. A few times I've had to haul him out of a store screaming at the top of his lungs. Once, I almost lost control of him in the parking lot at Target. This last one was because it was a perfect day out and he wasn't interested in getting in the car. He wanted to walk. That incident frightened me. I'm not always going to have 2 hands free to deal with him. We both have some adjustments coming.

This month we switched him to the toddler bed version of his crib. There were a few days in the beginning where I considered putting the side back up again. I was having to spend a very long time in his room every afternoon and night rubbing his back, hoping he'd fall asleep enough that I could slip out of the room. This past week, I've felt so lousy that I haven't been able to sit with him for that long so I've basically just patted his back a few times, kissed him and said I'd see him when he got up. Sometimes, I hear him reading his books to himself, but he has still laid down for a decent nap on a daily basis, so I'm proud of him. He's learning when he feels tired and how to solve that dilemma! Someday, I can let him make his decision when he'd like to lay down, but for the time being, 1 pm is serving us well.

This month, he started saying "Oh My!" about pretty much everything. It is the cutest thing in the world. Honestly, he will gasp and say oh my in the most awed voice you'll ever hear out of a toddler and I just love it! He also picked up "Matt". That's right. Apparently, I use call Matt by his first name on a regular basis and Liam has picked it up. He will call "Dada" a few times before getting fed up and yelling "Matt!" It's darn funny to hear this tiny voice call out his father's given name. Matt has tried to get Liam to say my name, but he just looks at him as though he had 3 heads. I have a feeling that Liam is going to be one of those kids who thinks his mother's name IS Mama. We'll work on it someday. For now, he good at calling out "Momma" every 2 minutes to make sure I'm still there. He also picked up "goggle", "shovel", "rake", "orange", "square", "cereal", "Cheerio", "screwdriver", "build", "track", "watch", and "walk". He has also gotten the difference between me and you and generally uses them correctly when referring to someone. He figured out what my/mine refers to and also uses it correctly... a good thing and a bad thing.

We learned orange this month because I purchased and consumed 20 pounds of the fruit. I was in a mood to display the fruit in the kitchen, so I put a bowl of oranges over by our calendars and since it is at eye level with Liam, we used his obsession with the "balls" to teach him a new word and color. Shockingly, we have a ton of orange things in this house. Cars, trucks, balls, blocks, even a pair of my socks! Orange day was great fun for him. Despite his great interest in the color, he refused to taste the fruit. Not a navel or a mandarin. He wouldn't even try the juice. He can be terribly stubborn when he makes up his mind that he doesn't like something.

This being Liam's last month as an only child, we've spent a lot of time together. Since I had nothing left to do for baby preparation, we've wrestled as best as I can, gone for walks, taken a few trips and had ice cream for supper. He has no idea how his life is going to change, but he can feel the change coming. I can tell it when he sits with me to watch baby stories on tv in the afternoon. I can feel him being more possessive of me as he curls up next to me and drapes his arm across my belly and pats it from time to time. He has frequently referred to me as "MY Momma". I'm so grateful to have this little boy in my life. From time to time, I'll look at him lately and just be overwhelmed with how precious and amazing he is. He hasn't always gotten my best or my brightest parenting moments, but I'm so grateful that I've gotten to share his life. I love every new thing that he learns and step that he takes. I'm the luckiest mom in the world!